Tim Green: Tonight, the road to the Giant Nut ends, and three of last season's four champions are in the running to repeat. Will Underminer, Tank, and Russianation repeat or will there be upsets galore?

Bil Dwyer: And in the Middleweight division, last season's runner-up AMP is looking to make it farther than last time, but he's got to get past a very tough Barrier. This, my friend, is Fantasy Robot Rumble.

(raucous, guitar-driven theme music plays, as montage of great fight moments flash on screen. music ends as logo appears)

Bil: Fantasy Robot Rumble: where legends are made, and so are many, many pounds of scrap metal.

(panoramic view of San Francisco)

Tim: We're here in gorgeous San Francisco, on Treasure Island, where the fourth and possibly final season of Fantasy Robot Rumble is drawing to a close. Hello everyone. I'm Tim Green, and with me, as always, is the exuberant Bil Dwyer.

Bil: Exuberant is right. And why not? We've got some great fights lined up for tonight. We begin in the Lightweight division.

Underminer: last season's surprise champion, and it's only improved this season. Having won every single one of its fights this season, it has continued its dominating streak begun last season as it's defeated Cacodemon, Wringer 2, Double Dose, and Ze Underall Ex Deus. The road has been a much smoother one for Team Animal Cruelty this season, and Underminer is on the verge of repeat championship.

But Lightning stands in the way. The vicious spinbot from Team whATEVer has been crowned champ in sister league Advanced Robot Combat and is still a formidable opponent. After a disappointing loss to Rampant, Lightning has come back by crushing O'Malley, Spin Suicide v1.8, Double Dose, Super Turbo Baby Puncher 3000 and Ze Underall Ex Deus. Lightning isn't planning on taking "No" for an answer.

Tim: Mark Beiro is at center arena for introductions.

(scene shift to Mark Beiro)

Mark Beiro: This is a Fantasy Robot Rumble Lightweight Championship match!!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: no need to pout, so don't be a whiner. Just because you can't take down defending champion...UNDERMINER!!!

(crowd applauds uproariously)

Bil: The longest intact Fantasy Robot Rumble winning streak...12 wins.

Mark: And in the Green Square: it may be horrific, and it may be fright'ning. But as a matter of fact, the baddest bot out there is...LIGHTNING!!

(more crowd enthusiasm)

Tim: Mark Beiro doing a bit of rhyming there.

Bil: Our own Mother Goose.

Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it's robot fightin' time!!

Bil: Underminer wasting absolutely no time as he heads across the arena!

Tim: Underminer moving, trying to avoid the Nail at center arena, and he is after Lightning. Lightning, spinning up those deadly spiked arms.

Bil: And now you see Underminer, he's lining up his attack just perfectly. He wants to hit Lightning head on so an arm goes right up his wedge and doesn't smack him on the side. It's not as easy as it looks, but Lightning isn't a terribly fast navigator, so Underminer doesn't have to be pinpoint accurate here.

Tim: Underminer's got his shot lined up and OH! Look at that hit!

Bil: That arm just shot up the wedge of Underminer! I'm surprised Lightning didn't take off into the air with that hit!!

Tim: Underminer in control, but he's having a hard time controlling Lightning now.

Bil: Underminer needs to get further in on Lightning, but he's having tough time of it.

Tim: Lightning, as you can see there trying to free himself.

Bil: Lightning's not completely immobilized at the moment. He's got one wheel on the arena floor and another one Underminer's smooth wedge, so he can do a little bit of movement here.

Tim: But he can't free himself, as Underminer drives him right into the center Nail!!

Bil: We always love a good slam! Lightning there takes a shot right on the brunt of an arm there. Beautiful hit.

Tim: That hit, however, has freed Lightning. Lightning is starting to spin again....but Underminer's not gonna let him! He's working that wedge right under Lightning before Lightning can make any progress!

Bil: It's a simple matter, really. What's the best way to defeat a deadly spinning bot? Keep him from spinning! How do you defeat a wedgebot? Don't let him get under you!

Tim: Underminer pushing Lightning back into the Nail, now. But now he's positioning Lightning. It looks like he's trying to wrap Lightning around the Nail!

Bil: Well that's an interesting move! Lightning is a spinbot, and if he hits something that keeps him from spinning, that is gonna hurt him!

Tim: Lightning spins an arm right into the Nail, and you can see, the Nail stops it.

Bil: Lightning's not out yet though, as we can see Lightning's driver, Isaac Torseth shifting back and forth between reverse and drive, trying to free Lightning.

Tim: Lightning bouncing back and forth on the Nail, and it looks like he's starting to come free here. You can see Underminer pacing back and forth, too, matching Lightning's movements, waiting to strike and slam Lightning again.

Bil: Lightning knows Underminer's lying in wait, too. But he's gotta keep moving. It's the Finals. If you can get free, you might be able to make something work. Lay down, and you're guaranteed dead.

Tim: We've passed the two-minute mark on this fight, and Lightning has managed to free himself!! But Underminer wastes no time! He slams Lightning back into the Nail again!!

Bil (between chuckles): Underminer could keep this up all night if he wanted to! It's like the killing of Rasputin! You just can't put him down!

Tim: And it looks like one of the cross-braces between Lightning's arms was snapped on that hit, too.

Bil: And the crowd is getting into this fight! They're counting down the last fifteen seconds of this one!!

Tim: Underminer getting cocky now! He's doing a victory spin as Lightning is still trying to free himself

Bil: He saw how long it took Lightning to free himself last time, and he knows it's not gonna happen again!

(buzzer sounds)

Bil: See?

Tim: Underminer has got to be happy with that Final. Bil, how about the replays on this one?

Bil: It was all about the defending champ. Underminer managing to upend Lightning early on, and then the first hit into the Nail, nestling Lightning into the Nail, and the victory spin of a likely repeat champion.

Tim: Likely indeed, but the judges have the final say on this one.

(to mid-arena with the two teams and head ref as Mark Beiro announces)

Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-eight to seventeen decision for the winner...the RED SQUARE: UNDERMINER!!!

Tim: What an awesome final!! Underminer defends his championship successfully! Bil, how did the judges score this one?

Bil: Underminer dominated this fight, and took Aggression by a ten to five margin. Damage and Strategy were slightly closer, but Underminer took both of those, nine to six each. The final tally: twenty-eight to seventeen, and Underminer remains the champ.

Tim: Traci Bingham is a very happy Team Animal Cruelty.

(scene shift to Traci Bingham with Philip Bergman)

Traci Bingham: Now, in the past, whenever a bot of yours won the championship, you retired them to let your other designs have their chance to prove themselves. Why not this time?

Philip Bergman: Ah well, at the end of last season, when Underminer won, we found out that despite that our incredible string of wins, we were only ranked the Number Two Lightweight behind Double Dose, and we knew we couldn't let that go unchallenged. I think at the end of this one, Underminer will be Number One seed.

Traci: I've no doubt of that. And now you know what it's like to have a repeat champ too. Congratulations!

Philip: Thank you Traci.

(shift to Jason and Randy Sklar with Team whATEVer)

Jason Sklar: Didn't get much of a chance to get anything started, did you?

Isaac Torseth: No. Wedges are the hardest kind of design for spinners to face, and Underminer is extremely low and fast. Just hard to touch.

Randy Sklar: Well, Lightning's been a champ before, and you came in second this time. A Silver Medal for you. I don't think that's anything to be ashamed of.

Isaac: I don't think so either. Underminer's a helluva bot, and Lightning did damn well this tournament. This is awesome.

(back to the studio)

Bil: Awesome is right. One showdown down, and one repeat champ crowned.

Tim: Hey don't go anywhere, because when we come back, the Middleweights throw down. Barrier vs. AMP. One goes home with the nut; the other just goes home. This is Fantasy Robot Rumble.

(theme music to commercial break)

(two and a half minutes of commercials play)

(theme music to come back)

Bil: For more information on our competitors, visit their website at fantasyrobotrumble.bravehost.com/index.html.

Tim: Welcome back to Fantasy Robot Rumble. We just saw an amazing Lightweight final, and Bil, I'm still hungry for more.

Bil: Well here comes the second course, the Middleweights.

Barrier is a bot that's all heart, almost all skirts, and a two-forked lifter. In its quest for the nut, it has trounced Twin Suns, Shockwave 3, Unlimited Limits v1.2, and AMP. Team Space Station eagerly wants the Middleweight Nut, but it's not done yet.

AMP returns to try and redeem itself after their last tangle. The deadly spinning bar from Team AC/DC has torn through the likes of Froggy, Hellrazer, and Flank Attack 3. After suffering a minor setback from Barrier, it earned its spot in the finals by obliterating Jaugernaut. AMP has won the Middleweight Nut in sister league Advanced Robot Combat, and now, it'd like to be a crossover smash.

Tim: Let's go courtside for the introductions.

(scene shift to Mark Beiro, standing at center arena)

Mark: This is a Fantasy Robot Rumble championship match, Middleweight division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right, you'll need a stretcher, ambulance and carrier--to take you out of the arena after you're defeated by...BARRIER!!!

(thunderous applause)

Tim: Team Space Station has won a championship in every weight class....except the Middleweight. Will tonight fulfill the dynasty?

Mark: And in the Green Square to my left, it'll smash every wall, door, window and lamp, on it's way to becoming the Middleweight champ. Introducing...AMP!!!

(loud cheers and chants of "AMP! AMP! AMP!" from three shirtless guys who have the letters "A," "M," and "P," painted on their stomachs)

Bil: Mark Beiro still stuck on rhyme time, it would seem. Anybody want a peanut?

Tim: No time for snacks. The box is locked, the lights are on, it's robot fightin' time!!!

Bil: AMP wasting no time as he proceeds to get that bar up to speed!

Tim: AMP, moving away from the wall, here comes Barrier around the Nail, trying to line up a shot.

Bil: Barrier has beaten AMP once before, but both appear to have varied up their strategies slightly. It's like they're fighting for the first time!

Tim: Barrier barrels into AMP, and LOOK AT THE SPARKS!!

Bil: Yeah there were some sparks there, but look at the way those two bounced off each other. What a hit!

Tim: Barrier got spun by that hit, and is now trying to rear into AMP.

Bil: AMP may have gotten spun around by that hit, too, but how can you tell?

Tim: Barrier backing into AMP, trying to keep the bar from spinning up. That bar keeps nicking into the hind wedges of Barrier.

Bil: But those wedges can take it. Team Space Station engineered Barrier to withstand weapons as deadly as AMP's bar.

Tim: AMP now backing off, trying to put some distance between the two of them, and OH! AMP just hit the wall!

Bil: I think AMP was trying to retreat, but he drove straight away, and as close as he was already to the wall after that push, he steered directly into the round wall. Here's a view from the SlamCam, which we put inside Barrier before the fight.

Tim: Barrier taking the chance here to turn around and face him with the forks, but AMP is getting away from the wall, and the bar is spinning. Barrier moves in trying to ram AMP into the wall again, and WOW what another hit! What a shot from the SlamCam there!

Bil: And another bounce. I don't think either bot really wants to bounce after the hits like this. Certainly not Barrier, who's trying to keep forever close to AMP, and certainly not AMP, who runs the risks of losing some balance and ricocheting his bar into the floor after bouncing like that.

Tim: Barrier relining his forks toward AMP, but now AMP is on the run!! His bar is not spinning! This can't be good!

Bil: AMP might not necessarily be damaged though. He can get that bar spinning really quickly, but he needs to worry about getting Barrier off his tail first.

(circle with Bill Nye's head appears in the upper left hand screen)

Bill Nye: AMP's spinning bar is driven by an ETEK motor, takes two point six seconds to get up to full speed, and has a maximum speed of two hundred fifty miles an hour. AMP's drivetrain, on the other hand, is driven by four RC motors, takes five point seven seconds to reach top speed, and has a maximum velocity of twelve miles per hour! There's no comparison!

(circle and Bill Nye disappear)

Bil: The ever-insightful Bill Nye. Thanks Bill. AMP has indeed put some distance between him and Barrier and is now spinning the bar again.

Tim: But Barrier has been constantly pursuing AMP. AMP with the up to speed now moves toward Barrier, and ANOTHER incredible hit!!

Bil: And look at the bounce there!! There's that spinning bar hitting the floor that I mentioned earlier! It takes AMP a little longer this time to get stable again and ready to hit.

Tim: And Barrier sees this and moves in! AMP doesn't have the bar up to full speed, and the bar is making continuous little swats on the wedge of Barrier. Barrier slams AMP into the Nail!!

Bil: AMP's little retreat worked well there. Barrier would have liked to have gone to a wall there, but AMP got a little too far away from them, and Barrier has to settle for the Nail.

(buzzer sounds)

Bil: And this one is in the books! Wow! What a fight!!

Tim: Both roboteers smiling widely, but both look a little uncertain. Bil, take us through the replays, I'm beggin' ya!

Bil: I'd be delighted! The first initial hit is huge. AMP strikes Barrier and both bots are sent flying by the hit. Barrier attacks with the hind end, and AMP hits the wall trying to escape. Another tremendous hit by AMP, and the slam into the Nail at the end.

(shot of the crowd, who hold three fingers in the air and repeatedly chant emphatically, "We want more!! We want more!!!")

Tim: Listen to this crowd! "We want more!!" and who can blame them?

(to mid-arena with head ref and both teams as Mark Beiro announces.)

Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-three to twenty-two split decision, for the winner.... THE RED SQUARE: BARRIER!!!

Bil: Absolutely remarkable!! Barrier manages to squeak by on this one!

Tim: A somewhat mixed reaction from the crowd here, Bil. How'd did the judges see this?

Bil: AMP's little dings on Barrier's wedges managed to prevail over Barrier's rams and slams in the Damage category, nine to six. After getting knocked out last time, AMP's keeping Barrier at bay throughout the whole fight also gave him a slight edge over the fact that he was never really in control of the fight, as he just managed to take Strategy, eight to seven, but Barrier was constantly hounding AMP throughout the fight, and coupled with AMP's little retreat to give him some distance, that propelled Barrier in the Aggression category, ten to five. Twenty-three to twenty-two was all she wrote, and then she passed out from the excitement of this one. What a barnburner!!

Tim: Jason and Randy Sklar are with the victorious Team Space Station.

(scene shift to the Sklars with Team Space Station)

Jason Sklar: Wow. Amazing fight. What was going through your mind just before they announced you as winner?

Chris Schramm: I don't even remember. I was just so nervous. I couldn't believe my ears.

Randy Sklar: Now last time, you knocked him out thanks in part to your lifting forks. Those didn't come into play at all this time.

Chris: Well, we tried somewhat. I wanted to use the skirts more so I could actually control him. The Pincer tipping him over last time was a one-in-a-million shot. I had to be able to do more this time. We still tried to use the forks, but they kept hitting his skirts, and that's part of what caused our bouncing.

Jason: Forks or no forks, you're the champ. Congratulations on winning the Giant Nut.

Chris: So awesome. Thanks.

(shift to Traci Bingham with Team AC/DC)

Traci: Always the bridesmaid and never the bride, huh?

Paul Ogin II: I know!! Last season it was Pandemic II and this season it's Barrier. So close!!

Traci: One more point for you and you'd be drawing this out to one more fight. What probably would have given you that last point?

Paul: Oh, a number of things. We hit the wall that one time. Can't blame anyone but us for that. We ran away at that one point and lost some Aggression points. That last bounce proved tragic for us. Just any little thing might have done it.

Traci: Well, another Silver Medal for AMP, and your bot only climbs in prestige. Congrats to you and your team.

Paul: Thanks Traci.

(scene shift back to the studio)

Tim: Amazing fights, and we're only about halfway through. Up next, the classic rivalry of Fantasy Robot Rumble, as two competitors face each other for the fourth time. Tank vs. Truth Or Consequences 2. Don't touch that remote.

(music to commercial break)

(two and a half minutes of commercials)

(music leading back in)

Bil: Carnage belongs in the arena, not in your garage. Always wear protective gear when building or operating any fighting robot.

Tim: Welcome back to Fantasy Robot Rumble. The Lightweights and Middleweights have fought, and if memory serves correctly, that means the Heavyweights are next. Bil, how about the scoop on the Heavyweight finalists?

Bil: Our Heavyweight finalists are the same finalists we had last season, and both have made some modifications to step it up a notch this season.

Defending champion Tank returns with wedge teeth and wedged sides, but the speed and pushing power are just as prevalent as they were last season when it took the nut. This season, it has continued the path of domination leaving Orange Peeler, Androit, Catalyst, and Truth Or Consequences 2 in its wake. Team Targeted was pretty cocky in their pre-season comments, saying they had little to no competition in the quest to repeat, and so far, they've been right.

But Truth Or Consequences 2 isn't out yet. The vicious flipper returns with vigor, power, and a sturdier design. The pride of Team Blood Gulch has tossed and bossed about the likes of two former champs, namely Thracktar Ultra and Wrath Of Draco, and then taking down Dogpounder II. After its only loss at the hands of Tank, Truth Or Consequences 2 stakes its claim in the finals by euthanizing Dogppounder II once more, and now, it's not content to settle for runner-up again.

Tim: The rivalry continues, and the stakes are the Nut once again. Mark Beiro, you know what to do.

(down to Mark Beiro at mid-arena)

Mark: This is a Fantasy Robot Rumble championship event, in the Heavyweight division!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: let me be perfectly candid and frank, you're not stopping the defending champ...TANK!!!

(uproarious applause)

Bil: Team Targeted has had a pretty decent run in this tournament in the other divisions too, including an Iron Medal in the Superheavyweight division.

Mark: And in the Green Square to my left: no matter what your instincts or experiences do, you're not stopping the madness of...TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES 2!!!

(continuous applause)

Tim: I have to give him credit; I didn't think he could pull that rhyme off.

Bil: The box is locked the lights are on, it's robot fightin' time!!!

Tim: Nicely done, my friend. And Tank is wasting no time as he rushes across the arena! Truth Or Consequences coming out, now turning a little, and Tank getting under Truth Or Consequences, and into the wall!!

Bil: This is what Tank does best. It's how he took the nut last season, and it's how he beat Truth Or Consequences last time.

Tim: But that hit jarred Truth Or Consequences loose, and he slides down the side of Tank. Truth Or Consequences now free, and he's got that flipper under the wedge, and HE FLIPS!!

Bil: And you see the power of Truth Or Consequences' flipper! That wedge is wide, and the main body of Tank still got some air. That wedge pulled the whole body up with it!

Tim: Truth Or Consequences ready upon Tank's landing is getting under him again, and ANOTHER FLIP!!

Bil: He got the main body that time and Tank turns a somersault and a half there!! And you see now, Tank is upside-down, but last time, Tank managed to still push Truth Or Consequences around when inverted, so Tank's not despairing yet.

Tim: Astutely put, Bil. Tank doing what he did last time and ramming those inverted wedges into Truth Or Consequences' face, and is pushing!! OH! But Truth Or Consequences, firing that flipper again!

Bil: I love it! It looked like he was just pushing Tank away saying, "Get out of my face!"

Tim: And Tank is out of his face, but Truth Or Consequences moving into Tank's face, angling in, and ANOTHER flip!

Bil: Rather unusual for Truth Or Consequences. Sure he's a flipper, but he always prides himself on his ability to push too.

Tim: Not this time, though, and it seems to be paying off. Tank moving in now like a bullet, trying to make up for some lost time, scooping up Truth Or Consequences and driving him into the Floor Spinner!

Bil: Tank managed to bend in the wheelguards on Truth Or Consequences last time and inhibited driving ability. Now, with time running out, he's gotta do it again.

Tim: Tank holding Truth Or Consequences against the Floor Spinner, and you can see the back of Truth Or Consequences getting whacked into, again and again.

Bil: A new method of cruelty from Pete Lambertson, and one that has been highly effective this season. It's gone over a lot better than the Center Nail, or as it's affectionately known in the builders' circles, the Stupid Nail.

Tim: Tank, holding Truth Or Consequences 2 in the path of the Floor Spinner. Truth Or Consequences 2 is unable to escape.

Bil: Tank lost a lot of time this match. He's trying to make up for some of it. Take him to a hazard that's worked in your favor, and do what you know.

Tim: The referees are watching the time carefully. If Tank holds Truth Or Consequences 2 for too long, they'll stop the match and manually and forcibly separate the two.

Bil: They're not stuck together, though. That's just Tank. And it's just the Truth Or Consequences 2 taking some ugly hits here. But I don't think they'll have to worry. I think the buzzer will sound before they can stop the match.

Tim: It may be, as this one is almost over-

Bil: Has Tank done enough damage in these last few seconds...?

(buzzer sounds)

Tim: And this one is over!

Bil: Look at Team Blood Gulch pounding the lexan there! They're excited! They think they did quite well. And I agree. Let's go to replays. This fight was like a sandwich. Tank slamming Truth Or Consequences right into the wall early on, followed by flip...after flip, after flip, after flip from Truth Or Consequences 2, and Tank getting the final say on this one, as he holds him there for the Floor Spinner to dole out some punishment.

Tim: Let's see how delicious the judges found this sandwich of a fight.

(scene shifts to center arena with both teams and the head judge, as Mark Beiro announces)

Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a thirty to fifteen decision for the winner...THE GREEN SQUARE: TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES 2!!!

Tim: And Truth Or Consequences 2 lives to see another fight!! Bil, how about some battle stats?

Bil: Pretty simple. Weapons: four to two for Truth Or Consequences 2, both had one escape, and hazards only coming into play at the end, as Tank blanks the flipper there one zip. As for the judges' scorecards though, it was all Truth Or Consequences 2 as he took both Aggression and Damage by nine to six margins, and Strategy, (chuckles) twelve to three!

Tim: Traci Bingham is below with a happy Team Blood Gulch

(scene shift to outside the arena with Traci and Team Blood Gulch)

Traci: So, you changed your strategy a bit, huh?

Josh Noel: Yeah, I finally got it through my skull that I can't outpush a bot that was built to push. Just not a good idea, so I started flipping him around a bit, and look what happened.

Traci: And now the big question is: can you do it again?

Josh: I don't know. He's definitely more wary now, so it's gonna be tough to do it again. I gotta figure out how I can pull this one off.

Traci: Well, good luck to you in the ultimate final.

Josh: Thanks Traci.

(over to Team Targeted and the Sklar brothers)

Randy: Well, that didn't quite go the way you expected to. What happened?

Alex MacWilliams: A couple things went wrong. This was far from my best effort as a driver. And he completely pulled the rug out from under me. He had a new fighting style, and it caught me totally unaware. It was hard to adapt to it, and I just wasn't able this time.

Jason: What's Truth Or Consequences 2 going to have to look out for in the Ultimate Final?

Alex: Number one, I'm onto him. He won't be able to surprise me next time. I'm ready for his little flipping game, and I'm gonna come out both barrels blazing next time. I'm not relinquishing my title without a fight!

Jason: Sounds like a threat to me. Team Targeted intends to repeat as champ!

(back to the studio with Tim and Bil)

Bil: Team Targeted intends to repeat as champ, and we will be watching.

Tim: And speaking of watching, we'll be watching the big boys throw down. When we return, defending Superheavyweight champ Russianation has an uphill battle, as upstart Bad-Ass Barnacle is only one win away from completing the upset. Keep it locked right here. This-- is Fantasy Robot Rumble.

(theme music out to commercials)

(three minutes of commercials)

(theme music back in)

Tim: San Francisco's cable cars: America's only mobile national monument.

Bil: No wonder Tony Bennett left his heart here. He probably couldn't remember which car he left it on.

Tim: And on that eerie thought, we are back to Fantasy Robot Rumbles. I'm Tim Green, with me is Bil Dwyer, and so far tonight, we've seen a repeat champion, a repeat runner-up, and a repeat fight called for, and now lying just ahead is the Superheavyweight Final, where a champ hopes to repeat as well. Bil, if these bots could talk, what would they say?

Bil: They'd tell you to quit with the silly hypothetical questions. But down to business. Like the Heavyweights, our finalists were seeded in pre-season reviews at Numbers One and Two, so like the Heavyweights, look for this to be a high profile and very good fight.

Bad-Ass Barnacle is a bot that has evolved a lot over the seasons. Without the spikes or middle wheels and with the extended lower lip, it has been the head turner. In its run in this tournament, it's beaten long-time nemesis Road Rage, followed by The Duraliner, Russianation, and Wedge. Team Animal Cruelty is looking for another Nut, and they're looking to the Barnacle to do the job.

Defending champion Russianation may have something to say about it though. Already having conquered Prowler and Eurypterus, it was sent to the Losers' Bracket by Bad-Ass Barnacle, where it fought back, defeating Eurypterus a second time, and ending the hopes of Wedge. Team whATEVer takes special pride in this deceptively simple bot, and it's not going down without a fight.

Tim: And that fight awaits us, with the rhyming Mark Beiro in center arena.

(scene shift to Mark Beiro in mid-arena, ready to introduce the contenders)

Mark: This is a Fantasy Robot Rumble final in the Superheavyweight division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: you may feel a strange, tingly sensation, just before getting knocked out by...RUSSIANATION!!!

(wild applause)

Bil: Even though Bad-Ass Barnacle rightfully deserves to be in the Red Square, he gave it to Russianation out of respect for the champ. The enmity is only inside the arena!

Mark: And in the Green Square to my left: he'll rip up your bot to the tiniest particle. That's what you get for messing with...BAD-ASS BARNACLE!!!

(more applause)

Bil: Rumor has it Bad-Ass Barnacle was redesigned specifically to take down Russianation.

Tim: The battle of the big boys is set. The box is locked, the lights are on, it's robot fightin' time!!!

Bil: And both bots are eager! Look at how they're flying towards each other! These bots may weigh over two hundred pounds each, but they can move!

Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle working the plow under the skirt of Russianation, and is now lifting the skirt, but Russianation is pushing against the Barnacle.

Bil: Now this might not be in Russianation's best interest though. Sure he's pushing, but that skirt is only going further on top of the plow of Bad-Ass Barnacle.

Tim: Russianation is pushing, however, and he pushes Bad-Ass Barnacle right into the wall! A beautiful hit.

Bil: It was, but you can see, Bad-Ass Barnacle still under that skirt, and look what's happening now!

Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle has managed to get under the main body of Russianation now, and it is Russianation who is getting slammed into the opposite wall!!

Bil: And here's a view from the SlamCam! You can see Russianation getting run into the wall by the crustacean.

Tim: The crustacean, still in control of the Communist, and he's got Russianation right up against the Shooting Spike!

Bil: And the Shooting Spike going to work on the body of Russianation. That isn't an easy shot to line up either for Bad-Ass Barnacle. That rear skirt of Russianation is almost flat on the floor, and that's just enough for the Shooting Spike to hit the main body of Russianation and put some dents in him.

Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle just holding him there... and it looks like the refs are gonna make him let Russianation go quickly.

Bil: Well, you know, that's what the refs are paid to do. Sure, it's obvious that Bad-Ass Barnacle is just holding him there to keep racking up the damage, but if something shut down inside him, there'd be no way of knowing it unless we had that thirty second rule, so it's just as well for both bots that we have this rule.

Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle is going to have to let Russianation go, and he just drops Russianation! Wow.

Bil: He must not have wanted to let Russianation go. He didn't even bother lowering the plow first. He just pulled out, and wham! Russianation crashes to the floor.

Tim: Russianation and Bad-Ass Barnacle charging after each other just like they did at the start of the fight. Bad-Ass Barnacle getting the plow under him again and lifting, but once more, we see the awesome pushing power of Russianation!!

Bil: As strange as it seems, Bad-Ass Barnacle wasn't really built for torque, and so won't win a lot of pushing matches.

Tim: And he loses this pushing match again as Russianation slams him into the Center Nail! Bad-Ass Barnacle managing to get the plow under Russianation's main body again, and up he goes and off they go!

Bil: Of course, when you can just lift your opponents and then escort them to any destination you wish, who needs to be able to outpush them?

Tim: Not Bad-Ass Barnacle, apparently as he is now taking Russianation into the Floor Spinner!!

Bil: Well, you take me to one hazard, and I'll take you to one. Fair enough, wouldn't you say?

Tim: And once more, Bad-Ass Barnacle just holding Russianation there, letting the Floor Spinner work its spinning magic.

Bil: I gotta admire these bots' styles, too. Both know their strengths, and because of that, both are fighting incredibly crafty battles, not afraid to use the Center Nail, Floor Spinner, Shooting Spike or Wedged Walls the ways that they have. And both bots know how sturdy they are, so they aren't afraid to attack each other like complete maniacs! It's what makes this fight so wicked!!

Tim: We are under thirty seconds in this Superheavyweight final, and Bad-Ass Barnacle just now letting Russianation go, and he drops him again! But Russianation has hit the ground running and scooped up Bad-Ass Barnacle before he can even lower the plow!! What a beautiful slam!

Bil: It's the finals! You have to go all out if you want to win, or in Russianation's case, if you want to repeat as champ.

Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle, slipping off the side, but Russianation intercepts him, slamming him into the wall again!

Bil: And he's taking a page from Bad-Ass Barnacle's playbook, too, as he pins and holds Bad-Ass Barnacle against the wall here!

(buzzer sounds)

Tim: Wow! What an ending!! The crowd is on their feet for this one. Everyone applauding!

Bil: I'm not sure which fight has been more exciting, Tim: this one of the Middleweight final we saw earlier. Let's see what story the replays show: Russianation gets the first slam in, but Bad-Ass Barnacle answers back with a slam, and Bad-Ass Barnacle eating up the clock by just holding Russianation in the harm of the hazards. And another terrific slam at the end.

Tim: The judges are gonna have a tough time calling this one. Let's see what they said, though.

(down to center arena with the two teams and the head referee, as Mark Beiro announces)

Mark: The three judges' at arenaside have scored this fight, twenty-four to twenty-one for the winner...THE GREEN SQUARE: BAD-ASS BARNACLE!!!

Tim: And no repeat championship for Russianation! Bil, I want to see the battle stats for this one!

Bil: They're pretty balanced, which explains why this fight was so close. Slams, four to two for Russianation. Hazards: Bad-Ass Barnacle got this one, three to two. Weapons: dead even, two all. What the stats don't tell though, is the time that either bot was in control of this one. Bad-Ass Barnacle ate the clock up when he held Russianation captive.

Tim: How do the judges' scorecards read?

Bil: With help from Hooked On Phonics, but that's not important. Russianation's continued domineering spirit gave him the advantaged Aggression, nine to six. Bad-Ass Barnacle's time-eating holds gave him Strategy, but barely, eight to seven. But Bad-Ass Barnacle also took Damage, by a score of ten to five, including those two nasty drops.

Tim: To the victors, go the Sklars.

(Randy and Jason Sklar with Team Animal Cruelty)

Jason: Two Giant Nuts this season, way to go!!

Philip: YEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Randy: Now, rumor has it that at the start of this season, you set two major goals for yourself.

Philip: Oh man, the cat's out of the bag. Yeah. Two goals. Number one was to win the Superheavyweight championship.

Jason: And you did it!! What was the other?

Philip: To make Underminer the Number One seed in the Lightweight division.

Randy: Very lofty goals, and yet you've done it!! Congratulations!

Philip: Thanks guys. This feels great.

(over to Traci Bingham with Team whATEVer)

Traci: Shut down twice in the Finals by the same guy. That's gotta smart.

Isaac: A little bit. This one I had a feeling I wasn't gonna win. Chiefly because he beat me last time we fought.

Traci: But hey, two Silver Medals this season. That'll probably make you the second-best team this season. That's not bad.

Isaac: It's not, and considering how many people just completely fell off the face of the earth this season and lost all four of their bots by forfeits, to lose two of them fighting in the Finals is miles ahead of them.

Traci: Absolutely. And another incredibly close fight too. You're definitely one of the toughest ones out there.

Isaac: Thanks Traci.

(back to the studio)

Tim: A knockdown drag-out fight that crowns a new Superheavyweight champion. Four great fights tonight.

Bil: And it's still not over. We promised the road to the Nut ends tonight, and we still have to crown a Heavyweight champion. When we come back, Tank and Truth Or Consequences 2 will put on an encore performance, and this time, it will determine the champ. You do NOT wanna miss this!!

(music and fade out to commercials)

(commercials play)

(musical lead-in from commercials)

Bil: Kids, building a bot is fun. Getting hurt while building a bot is not fun. Always have proper adult supervision when handling any tools.

Tim: Welcome back to Fantasy Robot Rumble. Now, the Giant Nut is the most coveted award in competition, but it's not the only one a bot can win. Bill Nye is standing by to hand out some of these other awards.

(percussive backbeat with graphic of Bill Nye's head spinning, cut to Bill Nye)

Bill: The Giant Nut isn't the only award a bot can win. There are awards for being aggressive, sound engineering, and even for getting hurt the worst! Let's take a look at some of those other awards.

The Bozenda Award is given the roboteer who was the most aggressive inside the arena. Many roboteers forfeited repeatedly, so there aren't many competitors for this award. Philip Bergman and Team Animal Cruelty put up an aggressive run against many competitors. Isaac Torseth and Team whATEVer continued their traditional style of bold fights and fearless tactics. However, the Bozenda Award goes to Alex MacWilliams and Team Targeted, whose take-no-prisoners style of driving and fighting worked almost synergistically with their pushbots and landed them in the Heavyweight Finals.

The Astrodude Award goes to the best performing rookie. In this case, the only rookie team this season. A few teams returned from hiatus and seemed to be rookies, but there was only one that truly was, despite going 0-8. Congratulations to Team AJRobotics, winner of the Astrodude Award.

The Adrenaline Award goes to the most creative design. Now, many bots are returning favorites, and thus eliminated themselves from the competition for this award. Nonetheless, there was still creativity to be found. Team Mantaman's Rip The Rammer introduced the interesting idea of a double-hinged wedge. Team AJRobotics' S.O.R. was a unique combination of a spinning drum and a pneumatic flipper, two weapons not usually found on the same bot. The winner of the Adrenaline Award, though, is Twin Suns, the Middleweight from Team Hunga. Designed just for fun and the sake of creativity, Twin Suns managed to rack up a couple wins, which has been icing on the cake for team captain Dylan Pommer.

The Toxic Hazard Award is unusual in that it goes to a bot that not only didn't win a single fight but also took extensive damage in both of its two fights. Over half the bots in competition forfeited at least once, many twice. So there aren't many contenders for this award. Team Targeted's Cacodemon lost two heartbreakers and took a few nasty dings in the second fight. Team whATEVer's Big Poppa, also known as Crippled Ass Pimp, also had a couple embarrassing losses as well. However, the Toxic Hazard Award recipient is Team Fire-And-Ice's Road Bump, which caught fire after being mutilated by Ram And Cut, and doubly humiliated by Stampede when it got put directly on its back.

Next is the Cow Tipper Award, which other than the Giant Nut, is arguably the most coveted award, since it rewards sound engineering in a bot. Normally, you can tell the best-engineered bots by which ones advance furthest in the tournament, but not necessarily this tournament. Russianation, despite not repeating as champ, continued to be a well-engineered, but simplistic bot. Team Space Station's Barrier and Team Animal Cruelty's Bad-Ass Barnacle are both great examples of how good engineering in a bot is often a trial-and-error effort, until a champion is yielded. But this season's Cow Tipper Award isn't going to a champion or runner-up. Team Trapp Engineering's Unlimited Limits V1.2 is a bot that intimidated a lot of Middleweight competitors; unfortunately, it lost by the roll of a die, and then forfeited after that. What would have, should have, and could have been may never be truly known, but my hunch is strong enough to award Unlimited Limits V1.2 the Cow Tipper Award.

The Double Dose Award is a beauty pageant. Beauty may be subjective, but the serious contenders for this award are pretty obvious. The paintjobs on Team Targeted's Cacodemon and Team Trapp Engineering's Ice Break had incredible design flow that matched their names. Team whATEVer's Big Poppa, also known as Crippled Ass Pimp, had a self-righting mechanism that looked like a diamond-topped cane, plus flamboyant colors which added to its motif. However, the Double Dose Award is going to Team Mantaman's Ram And Cut. With transparent outer armor panels and colorful insides, watching this bot in action was a mesmerizing rainbow of robotic action.

The Warper Award is unusual in that it acknowledges achievement in a bot that wasn't expected to fare well. The enormous amount of forfeits factor deeply in this one. From Team Animal Cruelty, Jaugernaut's Bronze Medal in the Middleweight class was a shocker to most roboteers, as was Team Mantaman's Iron Medal in that division with Rough Rider. But the odds were beaten on two counts with Team Psygnosis's Lightweight, Super Turbo Baby Puncher 3000. In addition to advancing as far as it did in the tournament, all the way to an Iron Medal, it showed how it could beat the odds and collect as many forfeits as it did. Super Turbo Baby Puncher 3000 merits this season's Warper Award.

Lastly is the Team Of The Season Award. Simple as it sounds. Which team posted the best record? Not many eligible candidates for this award, since so many forfeited out of competition, including Team Hunga, who still got two Bronze Medals. Those who fought it out, though, include Team Targeted, with an Iron Medal and a possible Giant Nut. Team whATEVer also proved impressive, with two Silver Medals. But the choice for winner is a no-brainer: Team Animal Cruelty. Two Giant Nuts and two Bronze Medals. One of the best team records in the history of any robotic league within a single season. Team Animal Cruelty earns the Team Of The Season Award. Congrats to them and to all our award winners.

(percussive backbeat and spinning Nye-head graphic as segment ends, cut to studio)

Tim: Thank you Bill Nye. Now earlier in the program, we saw Truth Or Consequences 2 pull out a stunning victory over Tank. But Truth Or Consequences is not the champion yet. Due to the double-elimination schematic of Fantasy Robot Rumble, a bot is not out of the running until it has lost twice. The previous Heavyweight fight gave Tank its first lost in this tournament. In the other divisions, the champions all went undefeated, with the runners-up all garnering their second losses in the Finals. Tank and Truth Or Consequences 2 now each have one loss, incidentally to each other, and this fight will give the loser its second loss in the tournament, thus eliminating it. What it all boils down to is this: this fight WILL determine the Heavyweight champion.

Bil: That's right, Tim. Now, we've also been referring to these two bots as the classic rivalry of Fantasy Robot Rumble. For those wondering why and how, consider this: these bots have faced each other four times, thrice in the Finals, and once in the Winners' Bracket Showdown. These bots are dead even against each other, with two wins apiece. Truth Or Consequences won twice in the Finals, both times forcing an Ultimate Final, the second of which is nigh. One of Tank's two wins gave it the Giant Nut last season. Both bots want to emerge from this fight as the dominant bot in the rivalry. Tank wants to prove the true champion of the division, and Truth Or Consequences 2 would like to win a Giant Nut against its nemesis. Now, Truth Or Consequences has won the Giant Nut, in sister league American Influence, but that was against Upthrust XP, not Tank, so Team Blood Gulch still feels they have something to prove.

Tim: Important questions are soon to be answered. Has Tank learned from the last fight? Can Truth Or Consequences 2 pull off another stunning victory? Will this fight be tighter and closer than the last one? And most importantly, is Mark Beiro going to set the introductions to rhyme again? We shall find out. The fight awaits us below.

(down to mid arena with Mark Beiro)

Mark: This fight will determine the Fantasy Robot Rumble Heavyweight champion!!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: this bot is so vicious, it makes opponents walk the plank. You're going to Davy Jones's locker, courtesy of... TANK!!!

(uproarious applause)

Tim: Team Targeted captain Alex MacWilliams, looking so stoic, you'd think that face was carved from marble!

Mark: And in the Green Square: this bot finds the system of checks and balances true. But it still plans to kick your butt; it's... TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES 2!!!

(continuous applause)

Bil: Team Blood Gulch's Josh Noel trying to remain calm, but the eyes are darting around a little.

Tim: Care to join me, Bil?

Tim and Bil: The box is locked, the lights are on, IT'S ROBOT FIGHTIN' TIME!!!

Bil: Thanks Tim.

Tim: Anytime Bil. But Tank is not wasting any time as he hurries across the arena towards Truth Or Consequences.

Bil: Look for both bots to be using the same strategies that gave them their best wins. For Tank, that's gonna mean moving like a bullet.

Tim: Tank moving in to get at Truth Or Consequences, but Truth Or Consequences moving just aside, and firing the flipper!

Bil: But he didn't have a clean shot as we saw there. Tank didn't really fly through the air as much as spin in the air. It looked more like a single lutz figure skating move.

Tim: Truth Or Consequences 2 not wasting time as he moves in to get a better flip in on Tank, but Tank retreating to avoid getting flipped. Tank lines up another charge and he's coming at Truth Or Consequences again! Truth Or Consequences trying to buttonhook in with the flipper, and he misses!

Bil: We haven't seen that from Truth Or Consequences 2 much. When he fires the flipper, he can usually get his opponent.

Tim: Tank getting his wedges on Truth Or Consequences, but Truth Or Consequences manages to slip aside. Tank, retreating again to avoid the flipper.

Bil: Tank made the egregious mistake last time of not taking the flipper seriously, and he paid the price for it. He's trying to keep the awesome power of that flipper in mind this time!

Tim: Tank, now circling around Truth Or Consequences, like a vulture scoping out fresh road kill.

Bil: Well, Tank is just trying to avoid the flipper by getting to the sides of Truth Or Consequences 2.

Tim: Truth Or Consequences 2 won't hear of it though, as he keeps pivoting to keep the flipper facing Tank.

(circle with Bill Nye's head appears in upper left hand corner of screen)

Bill: Tank has a twenty-five percent speed advantage over Truth Or Consequences 2. Now that may seem sizable enough, but Tank has also got to cover more ground as he arcs around to get at Truth Or Consequences 2. Truth Or Consequences 2 simply has to keep pivoting to negate that effect.

(circle and Bill Nye disappear)

Tim: Thank you Bill Nye, but the effect has not been completely negated, as Tank manages to scoop up Truth Or Consequences 2 and off they go to the wall! And Tank slams Truth Or Consequences 2!!

Bil: And here lies the danger of a good slam, you risk losing your opponent, as is happening now!

Tim: Truth Or Consequences 2 has squirted free, but now the Pincer has clamped onto Truth Or Consequences 2!!

Bil: And with that, we have seen every innovation of Pete Lambertson in this arena come into play at potentially crucial times during the Finals! We've seen the Center Nail, Floor Spinner, Shooting Spike, and even the Wedged Wall come into play at times in the Finals, and now the Pincers get their moment.

Tim: Tank bouncing off that hit as well, and the OTHER Pincer gets him!

Bil: Ouch. Both drivers have GOT to be turning beet red over this one.

Tim: Truth Or Consequences, firing the flipper and freeing itself from the Pincer positions itself under Tank's wedged side. The Pincer releases Tank, and Truth Or Consequences 2 fires the flipper!

Bil: And there's a good shot! But look! Tank just got launched into the upright Pincer. And he comes crashing down immediately.

Tim: Tank, bee lining away from Truth Or Consequences 2, manages to get away to line up another shot. He charges at Truth Or Consequences 2 and he clips him a little!

Bil: And this shows that not only is a daredevil charge a hard thing to time, but so is escaping from one. That may hurt Truth Or Consequences 2 in the eyes of the judges.

Tim: Tank moves around to get at Truth Or Consequences 2 and he comes speeding in. Truth Or Consequences 2 manages to move aside just in time this time.

Bil: I've got to give it up for Tank. You see those mad dash charges and think he's a maniac. But he has yet to crash himself into the Center Nail or the Wedged Walls. Tank's driver is really doing well with the hand-eye coordination.

Tim: This fight is starting to wind down a little, and Tank charges in and manages to clip Truth Or Consequences 2 again.

Bil: Neither driver is showing any sign of fatigue, in the way they're driving, at least. They must be so high on adrenaline that they're just going to collapse when this one is over.

Tim: Tank coming in again, but Truth Or Consequences moves in and hits Tank at an angle, and Truth Or Consequences FLIPS TANK IN THE AIR!!

Bil: That may prove significant for this fight, as neither bot is really hurting each other much.

Tim: Truth Or Consequences 2 waited for Tank to land and is moving on him again to flip him once more, but Tank arcs away and gets under Truth Or Consequences 2! And they're going to the opposite wall!

(buzzer sounds)

Tim and Bil: Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Tim: Time runs out before Tank can--

Bil: There he does it!! He slams Truth Or Consequences into the wall after the buzzer!! A wicked slam, but it's not gonna contribute to the decision of this fight.

Tim: What an Ultimate Final this has been. Bil, let's go to replays.

Bil: You see that both bots were keeping wary of the other. A lot of parrying and thrusting went on here. There Tank slams Truth Or Consequences 2-then both bots getting hit by the Pincers, Truth Or Consequences 2 works in a major flip--or two, and Tank slamming Truth Or Consequences after the buzzer.

Tim: The judges have their work cut out for them. How on earth will they decide this one?

(over to mid-arena with the head referee and both teams as Mark Beiro announces)

Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a split decision, twenty-three to twenty-two, for the winner -- and Fantasy Robot Rumble Heavyweight champion----THE GREEN SQUARE: TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES 2!!!

Tim: Absolutely incredible! The upset of a lifetime! After losing one fight to Tank, Truth Or Consequences rallies back and takes the Giant Nut!! Bil, how did this fight break down on paper?

Bil: Tank's fearless and bold advances dominated the Aggression category, ten to five, but Truth Or Consequences 2 kept Tank at bay and never let Tank control the fight, thus giving Truth Or Consequences 2 the Strategy category, by an equal ten to five margin. The two solid flips, plus the one clumsy spin flip eked out over one slam and a few nips and clips, as Truth Or Consequences just got the Damage category, eight to seven. The Damage category awards the winner, which is ironic, considering neither bot hurt the other much during this fight. The score though, a split decision favoring Truth Or Consequences 2.

Tim: Traci Bingham is with a deliriously happy Team Blood Gulch.

(scene shift to Traci Bingham with Josh Noel)

Traci: Holy cow, what a close one!

Josh: Oh man-- I tell you-- oh boy-- yeah, that was close.

Traci: How long do you think it'll take you to stop shaking?

Josh: I hope I can stop in time to hoist my Giant Nut over my head. It'd suck to shake and drop that thing on my head or my foot.

Traci: Well congratulations to you on winning the Giant Nut. You're the champion!

Josh: Oh wow-- I mean-- wow. Thanks Traci.

(over to Jason and Randy Sklar with Alex MacWilliams)

Jason: Well, you did say you weren't giving up your title without a fight, and you did give him one.

Alex: Yeah, sure did. I can't fault the judges too much. Those flips looked more damaging than my little swipes and ticks on him. I do wonder though who actually got hurt more.

Randy: You've earned the Silver Medal, which while not the Giant Nut, is still a high honor.

Alex: This is true. And I was the champion once. Truth Or Consequences 2 can never take that away from me. To paraphrase C. S. Lewis: once a champion in Fantasy Robot Rumble, always a champion in Fantasy Robot Rumble.

(back to the studio with Tim and Bil)

Bil: I can't imagine that C. S. Lewis would have expected to be paraphrased for robotic combat.

Tim: It's still an awesome sentiment though, and I think that it's something that keeps inspiring and pushing builders and dreamers out there in this league and others.

Bil: Couldn't have said it any better, Tim.

Tim: Hey, we've crowned all our champions, but don't go anywhere just yet. We'll be back to recap the night and award our champions with the Giant Nuts. Stick around. It's Fantasy Robot Rumble.

(musical outro to commercials)