Radio is quite fun for the listener, especially when they're pushing for requests. You can get the song YOU want on! Yippee!! It's fun for you, but did you ever think about the deejay in the studio whom you have to talk to in order to hear your songs? Sure, they're paid to be there, but that doesn't mean you have to be a complete irritant to their existance with your customer-is-always-right attitude. With these few simple rules, you too can be a courteous caller whose existence will not be cursed by the man behind the mic.

1. Don't call at the top of the hour. It sounds a bit strange, but there's a reason. When the hour itself changes, chances are the deejay has other duties to perform, especially if there's a change of personalities and the on-comer is just getting settled in. They may have to look over important things, take meter readings from the transmitter tower, check things around the building, etc. As important as your calls are, these things are actually more important, and they really only take about 5 minutes to do each hour, so please be patient, and wait until about 6-7 minutes into the new hour before you call.

2. One call per party per shift. Stations may enjoy getting calls, but you are not the only one listening. Even during the dead of night, there are many more people besides you listening. Call a deejay only ONCE per shift. And if you're listening with friends, decide amongst yourselves and settle on ONE song. Don't have everyone take turns calling. The station is not your personal FM iPod, and no deejay should be treated like that. Don't be a Hot Clock Hog.

3. The deejay is not your special friend. This is what deejays have in common with bartenders: they're often captive audiences for people who need professional help. And it's sad that there are people who call radio stations for that voice at the other end to talk to. But a deejay is not a shrink. They're not qualified, and it's not in their job description. If a deejay is sympathetic and opens the floodgate for your emotions, that's their fault, and you're in the clear; however, if they're giving you a bunch of monosyllabic and close-lipped ("mm-hmm") answers, chances are they don't want to hang on the line forever. If you really need to get it out, do it, but do it quickly and let them go. If you find yourself getting attached to the deejay in that way, see Rule #5 and get yourself to a psychiatrist.

4. Don't call every shift. Regulars are cool. Regulars who never skip a day/weekend are creepy.

5. You aren't going to march a deejay down the aisle. This is much more common than you think. Deejays are supposed to be polite on the phone, and therefore, it's easy to think they're great people, maybe even a special kind of someone. A friendly person who'll play a song that you specifically asked for may seem like they're doing something special for you. They aren't. It's their job. If you don't want to hear a deejay get rude on the phone, don't tell them how much you want to meet them in person, don't offer to bring them dinner to the station, don't leave love notes at the front door of the building, don't tell Santa that you want the deejay to stuff your stocking on Christmas morning, etc. And in case you're wondering, I didn't make up any of that stuff.

6. Even a fool is thought wise if he but holds his tongue. Rules 3-6 could probably all be summed up with "Keep it short and simple," but that is such an overarching rule that it needs breaking down. This rule is simple enough. Don't say more than you have to. If you want to tell the deejay that you love a particular song, fine. Dedication to a loved one? Why not? Do you think that KC & The Sunshine Band rule because *your* name is Casey? The deejay doesn't need or want to know that. Don't let your mouth runneth over.

7. Don't argue with the deejay. A deejay, over time, naturally accrues a bit of musical knowledge, plus may have reference material at hand, whereas all you may have is your rusty memory. If a deejay tells you that Huey Lewis And The News did "Workin' For A Livin'" and NOT "Working For The Weekend", believe them. ("Weekend" is by Loverboy, btw.) If they say "Time After Time" is by Cyndi Lauper, don't insist that it's really by Cher.

8. Deejays do not have the amount of control you think they do. Free-form radio died in the '70s, pal. The deejay is usually not allowed to bring in their own CDs, or let you bring them your CDs so that you can get a song on the air that you think should be on that station. Most stations have a playlist that deejays have little to no flexibility with. Most deejays are also not program directors. Chances are, the ones that you call and harass are the expendable pawns who are hanging on to this job for dear life hoping to be able to one day move up the food chain. Don't ask them to throw that away just because a song isn't in rotation anymore, or just isn't in their library. If a deejay happens to be the program director, talk to them off-shift, during normal business hours, or write them a respectful email with your point of view. If they aren't the program director, stop insisting that they play "Thriller" after they've told you that they don't have that song because the powers that be declared it a Halloween-only song. They didn't have it last week, they won't have it this week. Suck it up.

9. Deejays tend to tune out commercials just as much as you do. If by some miracle a product or event is advertised that you are interested in, and you miss the dates, toll-free number, or whatever, don't call the station asking what it was. Chances are they weren't really paying attention either.

10. The quality of a song is not directly proportional to the song's length. I hesitate to put this one on because it may very well be particular to just me, but it's strong enough to me that I have to add this one. This one is almost a subset to Rule #2, about not being a Hot Clock Hog, but it merits its own listing. Some deejays, this one in particular, has this little tic about trying to cram as many songs into a shift as possible. For some reason, they feel it means they're accomplishing more. It's not necessarily true, but they feel that way. When you request a song that's really long, you're taking away that ability to get a lot of songs in. And some people really do request long songs so they can say they're getting a bigger share of the station's time. Don't be that disrespectful. If you REALLY need to hear it, get it on mp3 or something. Keep it under 4 minutes if possible. I have heard deejays refuse requests because the song was over six minutes, and I've come close to doing it myself. There are plenty of great songs under four minutes. Find them and love them.