Tim Green: From Treasure Island, off the coast of San Francisco, comes the thundering sound of robotic domination. Tonight, the titles will be awarded. Zombie Killer has been an all-dominating wedge, but will Double Dose put the necrocidal maniac out of commission?
Bil Dwyer: In the Middleweight division, it’s a double spinner showdown, as AMP and Rooster Teeth look to put on a dizzying display of awesome power, each hoping for the nut. Defending Heavyweight champ Striker is on the verge of a repeat championship, but he’ll have to defeat F Bomb 3 again to do it. And the Superheavyweights promise a newly crowned champ, be it Eurypterus Evolved or JOLT.
Tim: All your action needs are met here. This is Advanced Robot Combat.
(raucous guitar theme plays over montage of sparks flying and robots dying. Ends with ARC logo)
(panoramic view across Treasure Island, cross-fade to studio with Bil and Tim)
Tim: It’s Finals night on Advanced Robot Combat. Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, and with me is the gracious, yet excitable Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Yeah, I’m gracious, but who wants to see that? We want to see aggression! And we’ve got a night packed full of it. Tonight we crown four champs, and one thing that makes this such an awesome set of Finals season year is the fact that, of the eight finalists, only one is a defending champion, and only two others are former champions.
Tim: Sounds like veteran experience is going to be a big factor in this one, huh Bil?
Bil: It will but only in a small way. Most of these roboteers have won championships, but with other bots. We start in the Lightweight division where we find Zombie Killer and Double Dose. Zombie Killer comes from Team Blood Gulch, which boasts the champion Truth Or Consequences 2. Other than a setback to Underall earlier this season, Zombie Killer has been undefeated, and Team Captain Josh Noel wants to keep it that way.
Team AC/DC Captain Paul Ogin II has other thoughts though, with Double Dose to try and stop him. Double Dose is a former champion in sister league Fantasy Robot Rumble, but is now a step away from an Advanced Robot Combat title.
Tim: Two strong Lightweights, one title; you do the math. Mark Beiro has our introductions at Center Arena.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark Beiro: This fight will determine the Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Lightweight champion! In the Red Square to my right, the only thing that makes the insensate, unemotional undead turn tail and flee! Introducing… ZOMBIE KILLER!
(wild applause from the crowd)
Mark: And in the Blue Square, what could possibly be more terrifying than a single helping of Robitussin? Simple… DOUBLE DOSE!
(more cheers and clapping)
Tim: The box is locked the lights are on, it’s robot fightin’ time!
Bil: The Lightweight finals, and here comes Zombie Killer!
Tim: Zombie Killer moving in, but Double Dose with the dual spinning bar up to speed.
Bil: That bar has done a lot of damage to a lot of bots this season, and Double Dose wants to add some more parts of Zombie Killer to that list.
Tim: Zombie Killer moves in, and THERE’S A BEAUTIFUL HIT!
Bil: Double Dose brings that bar to bear and just manages to strike Double Dose, but you see there, they both got thrown away by the hit.
Tim: Zombie Killer moving again a little quicker and he’s moving in to get Double Dose, and he’s got him there!
Bil: Now is Zombie Killer’s chance. He’s got to move him to any of the arena hazards.
Tim: Double Dose doing exactly that; he’s pushing to the Hammer! The Hammer is coming down heavy and repeatedly on Double Dose!
Bil: Beautiful carnage! And here’s a view from the SlamCam, inside Double Dose. Hit after hit after…OH! Look at that! The Hammer took out the SlamCam! The Hammer took out the SlamCam! Pete Lambertson must be incredibly proud of himself with that one.
Tim: I’ll bet he is, but now Double Dose manages to break free and now Zombie Killer takes a couple shots from the Hammer.
Bil: Well he got away with less damage than Double Dose did to him, but that’s still points in favor of Double Dose.
Tim: Zombie Killer moving closer, but Double Dose is backing away while he gets that weapon up to speed.
Bil: That dual spinning bar is a powerful weapon, but only at high speeds.
Tim: Double Dose with the bar up to speed, trying to get to the side of the wedge of Zombie Killer where he can do the most damage. Zombie Killer trying to keep the wedge facing forward, and another hit!!
Bil: And both got knocked away pretty big that one. You can see Zombie Killer, he hit the Center Nail on that one. He’s lucky he didn’t get high-centered on it.
Tim: Zombie Killer backing off the Nail so he can facing forward again, but Double Dose has that bar up to speed again. Zombie Killer backs up and he’s trying a bolt forward!
Bil: Double Dose has been managing to keep hitting the side of the wedge where it’ll be most effective. If you’re Double Dose, you’re figuring a solid fast ram might throw his ability to anticipate the impact out of kilter.
Tim: Zombie Killer charging in now, and WHAT A HIT! The sparks are still settling here, and look at Zombie Killer’s wedge!
Bil: There’s a bend in it, pulling the left corner back a little bit. It’s not perfectly flush anymore.
Tim: Zombie Killer moving in again regardless, trying to put that damaged wedge to work. And he’s got Double Dose!! There they go to the Hammer again!
Bil: Let the Hammer hits fall! It’s a beautiful thing to see. Once… twice… three times a hurt bot!
Tim: Double Dose trying to drive off the wedge again and the Hammer hitting Zombie Killer again, but Double Dose has stopped moving! Oh no! This could be it!
Bil: I don’t think it is, Tim, you can see, Zombie Killer isn’t moving either! The Hammer fell on Zombie Killer’s wedge a few times too, and now he’s not moving as well!
Tim: Double Dose isn’t even spinning his wheels in air, and now he bounces off!
Bil: And that’s why it’s a good thing that Pete Lambertson shows no mercy. He kept hitting the wedge of Zombie Killer, making it bounce on its hinges after each hit, and the hits finally popped Double Dose off. But neither bot is moving still!
Tim: And the refs are counting down, but to what end? Both bots stopped moving about the same time!
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: This one’s over! One way or another, this fight is over.
Tim: The refs talking it over amongst themselves, and they are signaling that this one will be a judges’ decision! Bil, take us through the replays on this most unusual fight!
Bil: Double Dose struck Zombie Killer’s wedge early on, but you see Zombie Killer with the slam, and the SlamCam getting taken out, and a couple more great hits on Zombie Killer’s wedge, and both bots getting knocked out.
Tim: But it goes to the judges, and we now wait on their decision.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a split decision, twenty-three to twenty-two, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Lightweight champion… the Red Square: Zombie Killer!
Tim: Listen to this crowd! They’re about as divided on this one as the score itself. How did the scores break down on this one, Bil?
Bil: Zombie Killer never gave up and got Aggression twelve to three, and Strategy nine to six. Which is good for him, because despite both bots getting knocked out, Double Dose mopped up the Damage category, thirteen to two. The end result is the ever-unpopular twenty-three to twenty-two split decision.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with a victorious Team Blood Gulch
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Josh Noel)
Traci Bingham: So what happened? You were in control one second and the next, you’re both dead!
Josh Noel: We’re not completely certain ourselves either. At first glance, we think we can rule out Double Dose’s weapon, but we’re guessing that the Hammer blows jiggled a wire loose, or rattled our on-and-off switch inside the robot. We’re going to need to take a look inside, but right now, we can’t be sure.
Traci: That aside, it seemed like a really close fight the whole time.
Josh: It was, and the score reflected that. I’m just glad I won.
Traci: Congratulations on winning your first Advanced Robot Combat title.
Josh: Thanks Traci.
(cut to different part of backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Paul Ogin II)
Jason Sklar: So the question on everybody’s mind is, how did you both die at once?
Paul Ogin II: Uh… embarrassing really, we forgot to power down the weapon before driving off him the second time. The bar hit the floor and reflected all that power back into Double Dose, and that was the fatal blow. I don’t know about him, but I’m glad it happened to him too, because with one more point, it would have been my fight.
Randy Sklar: Well, we found out that there were really only fifteen seconds left on the clock. Had you been moving, would you have tried to take another shot?
Paul: If the weapon was still working, definitely, but it’s all academic now.
Jason: Well as you’ve heard so many times with AMP in the past, second place is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s no less true with Double Dose.
Paul: Thanks guys.
(cut back to the studio)
Bil: What an unbelievable fight. It makes you want to stop and think about it for awhile, but these guys don’t have time!
Tim: That’s right Bil. When we come back, these same two teams are back with their Middleweights. AMP and Rooster Teeth, when we return with more Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Bil: If the screw doesn’t fit, don’t just quit! Robotics is a lot of fun, but it is also a lot of hard work. Don’t give up on it!
Tim: Welcome back everyone, to Advanced Robot Combat. In case you just tuned in, we just crowned the Lightweight champion, and we’re now getting ready to crown a Middleweight champion, which either way will be a powerful spinning bot. Bil, what can you tell us about these two powerhouse spinners?
Bil: It’ll be an interesting match for certain. The teams in our Lightweight division are back with their Middleweights. Team AC/DC returns with AMP, a name that strikes fear into any opponent. This bot won the championship back in the Annihilation seasons, but that was by forfeit. AMP would now like to prove once and for all that it is of champion caliber.
Rooster Teeth stands in the way, though. Team Blood Gulch finds themselves in the Finals again with a bot of theirs that is only in its sophomore season. Rooster Teeth barely scraped into the semifinals after losing to AMP in their earlier bout. And after barely scraping by Barrier in the semis, it’s looking for a championship title, even if it only wins by the skin of its rooster teeth.
Tim: We’ll ignore the pun and just go to Mark Beiro, who has our introductions.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: This is an Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption championship fight, Middleweight division!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right, this bot doesn’t get what it wants by throwing its weight around; it gets what it wants by throwing *your* weight around! Here is…. AMP!
(thunderous applause, and chants of “AMP! AMP! AMP!” from three shirtless guys who have “A,” “M,” and “P” painted on their stomachs.)
Tim: This bot has been in the Finals four times, but has only won the championship once.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, this bot was denied approval from the American Dental Association after it slaughtered four out of five dentists that stood in its way. It’s…. ROOSTER TEETH!
(continued applause)
Bil: Both bots claim to have long-reaching weapons, we’ll see how it affects strategies.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s Middleweight Finals time!
Bil: Two unbelievably powerful spinners going at it. Should make a great fight!
Tim: AMP, with that legendary bar is up to speed, but so is Rooster Teeth, with comb full of spikes.
Bil: The builders call Rooster Teeth a shell spinner because that weapon’s like a shell encasing the inner workings of the bot. It’s more than just a weapon.
Tim: The two spinners getting really close to each other now, and WHOA! WHAT A COLOSSAL HIT!!
Bil: Both bots are still trying to find themselves after that one. Wow. That’s what the people here have paid to see! And you can see on the floor, one of the Rooster’s teeth is missing!
Tim: With a tooth knocked out, the brave bird battles on. AMP spinning a little less effectively also, and they hit again! Oh, the sparks!
Bil: And another tooth is gone! But look at AMP! The bar is bent! It’s bent! That was a powerful hit on both of them!
Tim: Both bots trying to spin again, but oh! They can’t! They’re out of control!
Bil: They’re both off-balance! Suddenly this has gone from a spinning match to a pushing and shoving match! And this is bad news for Rooster Teeth, because AMP still has those wedge skirts.
Tim: And AMP is using those wedge skirts to upend Rooster Teeth, and over to the Hammer they go! There’s a hit, and another, but Rooster Teeth bouncing loose now, and he’s free!
Bil: We’ve seen this all season with Rooster Teeth, especially in the semis against Barrier. That round body aids in bouncing off walls and skittering away. Very effective defensive design.
Tim: Rooster Teeth trying to ram into AMP, but Bil, I don’t think it’ll do any good.
Bil: It won’t, but it’s still Aggression points, and right now, Rooster Teeth needs all he can get.
Tim: AMP moving carefully about the arena, and he’s got Rooster Teeth again, and this time he’s off to the Drum!
Bil: If you’re Rooster Teeth, you’re worried now, as we saw from the semis, the self-righting pole on Rooster Teeth got ground off completely. AMP really has no means to flip Rooster Teeth though, not like Barrier had with the lifting forks.
Tim: This fight is now halfway over, and Bil, it looks like this is AMP’s fight now.
Bil: It does seem that way, but another way to look at it is this way: Rooster Teeth only lost two teeth, which was about one-fourth of the weapons, but AMP got half his weapon bent. Twice the damage there. Whether the judges will look at it like that, I don’t know.
Tim: I suspect they won’t. Rooster Teeth, bouncing off the wall again and going after AMP again. And over the wedge he goes.
Bil: We’ve just over two minutes left. I hope they’ve got some more in them.
Tim: Rooster Teeth looks like he’s gonna try, he’s spinning up, and so is AMP!
Bil: They’re gonna go out on a bang it seems!
Tim: But now both are spinning out of control! They knew they were imbalanced, but they decided to try! Look at Rooster Teeth fly!
Bil: Wow! That was like a ballet dancer leaping about on the stage.
Tim: Both bots no longer bouncing about though. AMP landed on his side and was stopped by the floor, and Rooster Teeth hit the Red Square clamp. Both bots laying on their sides.
Bil: Oh man! It’s happening again! Both bots knocked out!
Tim: Paul Ogin II shaking his head in disbelief, as are the refs, and there we see Josh Noel laughing.
Bil: Who would have thought it possible? Two killer spinners out of control and out of commission!
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And the judges have euthanized these bots. This fight is over, and the judges will take another crack at it. Bil, how about those replays?
Bil: It was an electrifying fight. We see the sparks and teeth flying, and the bar bends, but then AMP takes control as a wedge bot. And they kill themselves at the end here.
Tim: Let’s see what the judges said.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have scored this fight twenty-nine to sixteen, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Middleweight Champion…the Red Square, AMP!
Tim: AMP is the champ! Looks like the wedging in the middle of this fight made all the difference.
Bil: It sure seems that way according to the scorecards. AMP’s wedging in the middle of this fight was like the crème filling of a double-stuffed Oreo for him. He took all three categories ten to five, ten to five, and nine to six, Strategy being the closest one.
Tim: Traci Bingham is congratulating Team AC/DC.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Paul Ogin II)
Traci: You got to be feeling pretty good about now. The first dethroned champ to reclaim your title!
Paul: Yes! And this time, the championship win was a hard-fought one, and not a forfeit, so it really does feel even better this time.
Traci: Does this make up for your loss in the Lightweight division.
Paul: I don’t even think about it as such. This is this, and that was that, and that’s that!
Traci: That’s that, he says. Well congratulations on reclaiming the championship.
Paul: Thanks Traci!
(cut to elsewhere backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Josh Noel)
Jason: You were imbalanced, but you tried to spin anyway. Why?
Josh: We were getting totally dominated in the pushing match, so we figured we’d go for broke. And then we broke.
Randy: But you’ve already got the Lightweight championship, so no need to get greedy, right?
Josh: Uh, well…. If you say so. It’d have been nice, but what are you gonna do?
Jason: Amazing fight and amazing season for you. Congrats on getting to the finals a second time, and good luck in the future.
Josh: Thanks man.
(cut back to studio)
Tim: Thanks guys. It has been an amazing first half of finals tonight, and if it’s any indication, then our Heavyweight bout will be incredible. Striker versus F Bomb 3, when we come back on Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Tim: For more information about our contestants, go to drowningcity.com.
Welcome back everyone, I’m Tim Green. Bil Dwyer is with me, and we are set for our Heavyweight Final, aren’t we, Bil?
Bil: Set, locked, and loaded for these two behemoths to duke it out. Striker is the only champion from last season still in the running for a repeat championship. Team Gemini has been on a tear this season, and Striker is the capper, going undefeated all season.
But F Bomb 3 is going to try to end that streak tonight. The sturdy brick bot from Team Misogyny Technology has proven to be effective all season, losing only twice, but one of those two times was to Striker. Now, it looks to get its revenge.
Tim: Will there be a repeat champ this season? The next three minutes will decide. Mark Beiro has our introductions.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: This is the Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption, Heavyweight Championship fight! Introducing in the Red Square to my right, neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor your bot will keep the defending champion from keeping his crown. Here is…. STRIKER!
(wild applause)
Bil: The longest intact winning streak: sixteen wins.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, more deadly than a tsunami, more awe-inspiring than a mushroom cloud, and more irksome to little old ladies than a bingo nemesis! Here is…. F BOMB 3!
Tim: Other builders have describe F Bomb 3 as “somewhat magical.”
Bil: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s finals time!
Tim: Thank you, Bil. It is finals time, and Striker is moving out furiously, but F Bomb 3 looks to be moving out quickly as well!
Bil: Striker’s trying to get under F Bomb 3 like he did last time, but he had some driving difficulties last time, and you can see here, same problems.
Tim: Striker getting under F Bomb 3 despite the problems and is now driving him to the Hammer!
Bil: But you see F Bomb 3 there. He’s driving off the gigantic wedge of Striker, something last season’s runner-up, Babaganoush, had trouble doing.during last season’s final.
Tim: F Bomb 3 trying to get over the side of Striker, and he does so!
Bil: It took some time to accomplish, but F Bomb 3 has broken free.
Tim: F Bomb 3 is now getting to the side of Striker, and he’s trying to push!
Bil: He’s going to have a difficult time of it though. He doesn’t have the same wedging capability that Striker does. Add to that the fact that Striker is so wide, it’ll be hard to control Striker.
Tim: And it does prove hard. F Bomb 3 has lost control of Striker, and Striker is trying to get on the offensive again. He is under F Bomb 3 and pushing, but F Bomb 3 drives off the wedge again!
Bil: F Bomb 3 knows how to drive off that wedge. It’s what made him a tough opponent all season long. A few of the builders have even called F Bomb 3 “magical” in that regard.
Tim: F Bomb 3 is now in control and he’s trying to push Striker… it would appear back to the Blue Square that F Bomb 3 came out of.
Bil: Pete Lambertson installed clamping devices in the Starter Squares this season. They’re normally used to keep bots from driving before they get the green light, but they also are good for holding bots during the fight to wreck them some more.
Tim: F Bomb 3 trying to get Striker into the Blue Square, but Striker slips off again!
Bil: Once again, that wide body proves difficult for F Bomb 3 to push. And Striker is free again.
Tim: Striker in control and he RAMS F BOMB 3 INTO THE CENTER NAIL!
Bil: I think he was trying to flip F Bomb 3, but a slam is just as wonderful.
Tim: F Bomb 3 bouncing off the Center Nail, and he manages to get under Striker again. He pushes Striker and he’s got him into the Drum!
Bil: I think he’s trying to wreck the front wedge, and you see how he’s backing up now!
Tim: Striker turning, and he turns toward the Drum to attack with the treads, but F Bomb 3 ramming into the backside and pushing the wedge further into the Drum.
Bil: Now what he wants to—OH! Did you see that! Those treads on Striker kept spinning!! And he just popped F Bomb 3 onto his flat backside!
Tim: But Striker got that wedge caught under the Drum, and now the Drum is jammed, with Striker underneath! All four wheels of Striker are off the ground.
Bil: Oh man… first with Zombie Killer and Double Dose, then with AMP and Rooster Teeth, and now here in the Heavyweight Finals, we see both bots incapacitated. Neither one is moving. They’re not dead, really, but neither one can move. They’re currently not touching each other either, so the only way the refs can stop this fight, is to call it over with altogether.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And that’s exactly what has happened again. Another double knockout that leads to a judges’ decision. Bil, while they decide here, how about replays?
Bil: How about them? Striker manages to get F Bomb 3 under the Hammer, which may prove pivotal, since hazards didn’t play big in this one. F Bomb 3 manages to keep pushing as well, and especially at the end with the Drum. And both bots stuck, unable to move at the end.
Tim: The judges have had their hands full tonight. Let’s seem them unload the goods on this one.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have scored this Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Final twenty-four to twenty-one, for the winner… and still Heavyweight champion, the Red Square… Striker!
Tim: And Striker has done it! Team Gemini has another repeat champion to add to their ranks. Bil, how did he do it?
Bil: Striker proved more aggressive by a score of nine to six, as well as more damaging, by an eight to seven score. F Bomb 3 had the better strategy, but only by an eight to seven margin. And in a twenty-four twenty-one decision, Striker remains the champion.
Tim: Traci Bingham has a few words with our still-reigning champion.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Chris Schramm)
Traci: Were you worried going into this fight about possibly losing one here at the end?
Chris Schramm: I was worried about the law of averages catching up with me eventually, but I guess it already played out with Phobia this season.
Traci: Now, you’ve had a lot of repeat champions already. Does this ever get tiring?
Chris: No way, man. This is a lot of fun. I enjoy doing this, and I’m gonna keep doing this as much as I can.
Traci: Well congratulations on winning again.
Chris: Thanks Traci.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Matt Santo)
Jason: Now this is your first final. Is it as awesome as you’d hoped?
Matt Santo: That and thensome. The fights have been fun, and the drinking games in the pits have been fun, punching others in the head. It’s been a great season, so glad to be a part of it.
Randy: So now that you’ve been to the finals, are you hungry for more?
Matt: You know it. I may bring F Bomb 3 back, I might not. I kinda hate this bot, but it’s good and it keeps winning, so we’ll see.
(cut back to the studio)
Tim: We’ll see indeed. And we’ll see if anyone can dethrone Striker. We’ll see it all right here next season.
Bil: But you won’t have to wait until next season for another great fight. When we return, the Superheavyweights get ready to haul some serious mass. Stick around for more Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Philip Bergman: It’s my script, and I’ll appear in it if I want. When YOU write it, you can write me out. Until then, eat me. Oh, and always use proper safety equipment when building a robot.
(cut back to the studio)
Tim: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. You know, there are so many rewards in building a robot. And I don’t just mean the inner satisfaction one receives in seeing their creative genius come to fruition. And speaking of creative genius, our own Bill Nye is here to announce the nominees and recipients of some of our other awards.
(techno beat theme with spinning head of Bill Nye, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill Nye: Every roboteer hopes to win the Giant Nut, but if they don’t, they still have the chance to win one of our other awards. Let’s award them now.
The Bozenda Award is the award given to the most aggressive and most skillful roboteer. Team Animal Cruelty Captain Philip Bergman was a great example of this, getting two bots into the semi-finals, and just missing with a third. Chris Schramm, captain of Team Gemini also continued his legendary prowess with three semifinalists, including the still-reigning Heavyweight champion Striker. Matt Santo, from Team Misogyny Technology proved a worthy adversary in the arena as well, as did Team Blood Gulch Captain Josh Noel. But the winner of the Bozenda Award goes to Paul Ogin II, leader of Team AC/DC. He’s got one champion already, and may even have a second.
The Astrobot Award is like the old Astrodude Award, except that it acknowledges a great rookie bot, which can be from an experienced roboteer. Like Diamond Jim, from Team Animal Cruelty, which is officially a rookie as this was the first season it had a full run. Dylan Pommer and Team Hunga’s Adreniton was also an impressive first-timer, as was Superheavyweight Finalist JOLT, which may yet become champion. Nick Schulz and Team Yellow Alert really took the cake this season with Heavyweight rookie Probot, and they have clinched the Astrobot Award with their Superheavyweight Manta, which just missed the semifinals.
Next is the Warper Award. This award goes to bots that weren’t expected to fare well, but showed everyone that they could fight. Middleweight runner-up Rooster Teeth had bleak expectations, but showed them all by making it to the finals. From John Cress II and Team Search And Destroy, Stampede squeaked into the semifinals at the last possible moment, as did two of Team Animal Cruelty’s bots, Sand Crab and Diamond Jim. But the real Alger story goes to F Bomb 3 from Team Misogyny Technology. A brick bot that even they didn’t like all that much finds its way to the Heavyweight Finals. Now that is impressive.
The other side of that coin, though, is the Intergalactic Award, for those bots that fell short of the expected mark. Team Animal Cruelty’s Warper was hailed as being much improved, but its record this season told another story. Team AC/DC’s Road Rage had been a huge success as a Superheavyweight. In its debut as a Heavyweight though, it marks a chapter for the team that they’d rather bury. Team Targeted’s Tank is a bot that is to be reckoned with every season, and the latest version Tank Mk 4 was no exception. Unfortunately, it didn’t do as well as everyone thought, just missing the semifinals. Former Middleweight champion My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World was in a strong position to make the semis, but a quick malfunction in the pit, and the champ would be dead. But the Warper Award this season goes to Power Bar, from Team Toxic: a brutal Superheavyweight that missed out on big things when team captain Adam Lawson had to exit early from competition.
Also on the less than great side is the Toxic Hazard Award, which goes to the bot that took the most extensive damage. Team Targeted’s Scorpion Bite took several beatings, and did Team Yellow Alert’s Exotherm. The legacy of Team Animal Cruelty’s Warper stayed legendary as it wound up getting embarrassingly tipped over several times. Superheavyweight Phobia from Team Gemini was knocked out several times as well, but it was fellow Superheavyweight You’re Gonna Get It Dirty Shirley, from Team Misogyny Technology, that really took the most damage, and thus wins the Warper Award.
On a happier note, we are proud to introduce the Underminer Award, named after the legendary Lightweight wedge. This is for the bot that has shown the most improvement this season. Superheavyweight finalist Eurypterus Evolved shows Team Targeted’s way to keep thinking and keep improving. Team Blood Gulch had a much-improved run with Rooster Teeth this season, as did Team Search And Destroy with Stampede. Team Animal Cruelty finally got the drive train working properly on Dandelioness, and the result was a tough contender. But the most improved bot and first recipient of the Underminer Award is Zombie Killer, another bot from Team Blood Gulch. From an unimpressive looking wedge to Lightweight champion, this bot deserves it.
The Double Dose Award is for the best paintjob on a robot. Dandelioness’s yellow body with gray petals made it look like a flower of doom. Tank Mk 4 displayed its usual brilliant military motif. Team Yellow Alert raised its capital color with Influenza. Team Hunga is known for dazzling looking bots, including Underall, but it was their Superheavyweight Adreniton that really impressed everyone with its spinning psychedelic rainbow… it was hard not to vote for this bot.
Next we move onto the Adrenaline Award, rewarding creativity in a bot design.
Diamond Jim was a bot that combined a vertical hammerbot with a horizontal thwackbot, an impressive combination. Team Misogyny Technology had two interesting designs, You’re Gonna Get It Dirty Shirley and An Albatross. And Team Yellow Alert showed great creativity with Manta, and Probot, the latter of which is the winner of this season’s Adrenaline Award.
The Cow Tipper Award goes to the best engineering in a bot. Team AC/DC showed great engineering with both AMP and JOLT, as did Team Blood Gulch with Zombie Killer and Team Hunga with Underall. But this season’s Cow Tipper Award will go to Barrier, from Team Gemini, a durable bot that continues to impress, season in season out.
Lastly is the Redemption Award, given to the team that fared the best across all weight classes. And with three semifinalists, the only repeat champion this season, it’s a simple choice. Team Gemini with a final record of twenty-eight wins and only twelve losses, they win the Redemption Award. Congratulations to all our award winners.
(techno beat theme with spinning head of Bill Nye, cut back to the studio)
Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. And now, Bil Dwyer, are you ready for the Superheavyweight finals?
Bil: Ready and pumped. This is going to be an interesting fight. JOLT is Team AC/DC’s third finalist, and so far, the only other undefeated bot besides Striker. This powerful spinner bot has obliterated everything in its path, and that includes our other finalist.
Eurypterus Evolved is the only thing that can stop him though. Despite an earlier failed attempt to do so, Eurypterus Evolved has proven a solid and sturdy bot taking down almost every opponent he’s faced. And now, it finally has the chance to achieve a Giant Nut.
Tim: Mark Beiro is arenaside with our introductions.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: This fight will crown the Superheavyweight champion for Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption! Introducing the contenders. First, in the Red Square to my right: as the clouds send lightning to the earth at amazing speed, so too, this bot will send your bot to the floor, down for the count. Introducing… JOLT!
(wild applause)
Tim: JOLT dominated its way through the season. We saw what it did to Sand Crab in the semis.
Mark: And in the Blue Square to my left: this bot is set on proving that Darwin was right that only the strong survive, which means you’re about to die! Here is… EURYPTERUS EVOLVED!
Bil: Eurypterus Evolved going with the plow this time. Will it be effective against the deadly JOLT?
Tim: Care to join me, Bil?
Tim and Bil: THE BOX IS LOCKED, THE LIGHTS ARE ON, IT’S ROBOT FIGHTIN’ TIME!
Bil: Thanks Tim.
Tim: I wouldn’t let you miss out for the world. JOLT getting up to speed, but Eurypterus Evolved is coming in at an incredible speed!
Bil: Speedy pushbots are practically the stock and trade for Team Targeted. So we should really be expecting this.
Tim: JOLT coming out to meet him, and there’s a solid hit!
Bil: And you see both bots get thrown. We’ve been seeing a lot of that tonight, but it’s no less impressive this time as it was the first time.
Tim: Eurypterus Evolved moving again, and JOLT hits him a second time.
Bil: Oh, but JOLT hits the wall this time! He got thrown by that hit, but that’s bound to happen when you use omni-drive on your bot.
Tim: Eurypterus Evolved swoops in to try and capitalize on that, but JOLT manages to get away in the nick of time. JOLT getting that spinning weapon up to speed again, but Eurypterus Evolved isn’t planning to give him much time, and there’s another great hit!
Bil: He can’t give JOLT much time. Once that bar’s up to full velocity, it can rip you apart. Time is of the essence for Eurypterus Evolved.
Tim: Eurypterus Evolved trying to buy some time, as he manages to push JOLT around a little bit.
Bil: But because JOLT’s omni-drive provides almost no traction, it’s almost impossible to control him. And you see, JOLT’s free now, and he’s got that weapon up to speed again.
Tim: He does indeed. And he strikes again! Another beautiful hit, but Eurypterus Evolved has already recovered and is after JOLT.
Bil: I think Eurypterus Evolved has gotten better at anticipating what will happen. He’s not taking as long to get back at it now, so it usually means that he knows what he’s got to do and isn’t going to waste time in doing it.
Tim: This fight’s halfway through, and Eurypterus Evolved is in control of JOLT now, and he’s got him under the Hammer!!
Bil: This could be dangerous for JOLT. Those things at the top? You may have seen them. They’re the motors that power JOLT’s weapon! If those get wrecked, the weapon’s useless!
Tim: The aim is a little off though. The spike of the Hammer isn’t what’s hitting JOLT’s motor cages, but the arm of the Hammer.
Bil: Well that’s still damage. It may not incapacitate the weapon, but it will score points for the rammer.
Tim: JOLT, managing to squeeze free, is trying to run away, but Eurypterus Evolved catches up and is now DRIVING HIM INTO THE DRUM!
Bil: Well, from one end of the arena to the other. It’s a nice haul!
Tim: The Drum is pushing against JOLT, and JOLT is starting to tip over! Eurypterus Evolved pushing harder to make it happen, and the Drum catches the plow too! And look at this! UNBELIEVABLE!!
Bil: Oh man!! You’d think by now we’d see this coming. JOLT is laying on top of his motors, upside-down. Eurypterus Evolved, meanwhile, suffered F Bomb 3’s fate of getting popped onto its flat back. Both bots laying there helpless!
Tim: Well, the refs have it down to an art by now. Alex MacWilliams jamming his control trying to shake Eurypterus Evolved back onto its wheels, but it doesn’t seem likely at this point.
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: And our fourth double-knockout of the evening is declared! The judges will have the joy once again. Let’s look at these replays. JOLT smashing Eurypterus Evolved but good, and again, and again, but Eurypterus Evolved makes JOLT kiss some Hammer, and then both get the kiss of death from the Drum.
Tim: It’s déjà vu all over again for the refs. Let’s get the outcome from them.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges’ at arenaside have deliberated and turned in a twenty-six to nineteen decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Superheavyweight champion… the Blue Square, Eurypterus Evolved!
Tim: And listen to this crowd applaud! That had to have been a tough fight to call. Bil, what did the judges’ scorecards read like?
Bil: Predictably, JOLT took Damage, by an eleven to four margin. Also predictably, Eurypterus Evolved snagged the Aggression category, this time in a thirteen to two score. In the Strategy category, however, Eurypterus Evolved managed to keep control more during the fight, and took that category nine to six. And the score was twenty-six was to nineteen.
Tim: And then there was Traci Bingham with Team Targeted.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Alex MacWilliams)
Traci: This is a bot that’s been around awhile. What finally came together for you?
Alex MacWilliams: Experience, I think. Spinners are no strangers to the Superheavyweight division, and this time, I had a good enough driving plan, and it worked this time.
Traci: Persistence finally paid off for you, huh?
Alex: Yes it did, and it feels good.
Traci: Alright, well congratulations on the championship.
Alex: Thank-you Traci.
(cut to elsewhere backstage where Jason and Randy Sklar are with Paul Ogin II)
Randy: Well, you know, at least you had one champion this season.
Paul: Yes we did. Oh well, it’d have been nice to take a second, but getting AMP back as champion is something to be cherished.
Jason: What really ended up being the deciding factor in this one?
Paul: I think it was the slams into the wall. Those really did what Alex wanted them too. And he did a good job. Eurypterus Evolved is a good and experienced bot, whereas JOLT is just a good bot, for now.
Randy: Good luck to you and JOLT in the future.
Paul: Thanks guys.
(cut back to the studio)
Bil: You know, even without the double knockouts, these really were four great fights tonight.
Tim: Agreed. And it’s not quite over. Come back, and we’ll recap the night and crown our champions. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Bil: Pete Lambertson’s Hammer goes to town on our SlamCam. THAT’S our Hit Of The Tournament.
Tim: Welcome back everyone, and if you’re just tuning in, you REALLY missed out on some great and highly bizarre fights. Here with the recap is Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Great and bizarre fit aptly, my friend. All four fights ended early because both bots in each fight died at the same time. You heard me, all eight bots died tonight in their quest for the Nut. In the Lightweight division, the double knockout favored Zombie Killer in a twenty-three to twenty-two split judges’ decision over Double Dose. AMP got the better end of the Middleweight final, despite dying the same time as Rooster Teeth. Twenty-nine to sixteen was the score there. The Heavyweight final killed both Striker and F Bomb 3, and Striker was awarded the crown in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision. In the Superheavyweight division, both JOLT and Eurypterus Evolved found themselves counted out, but it was Eurypterus Evolved that emerged victorious by a score of twenty-six to nineteen. Our champions once again are Zombie Killer, AMP, Striker, and Eurypterus Evolved.
Tim: This has been an incredible and exhilarating season of Advanced Robot Combat, and on behalf of all the builders, the judges, Traci Bingham, Bill Nye, Pete Lambertson, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, and Mark Beiro, I’m Tim Green.
Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer. We leave you now with the presentations of the Giant Nuts.
(cut to Center Arena with the winning roboteers lined up, crowds cheering as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: For their courage, cunning, and strength inside and outside the arena, we are proud to crown our Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption champions!!!
(uproarious applause)
In the Lightweight division… Zombie Killer!
(Josh Noel struts out, picks up the Lightweight Nut, and holds it over his head triumphantly, as the crowd cheers)
In the Middleweight division… AMP!
(Paul Ogin II strolls out, picks up the Middleweight Nut, and raises it victoriously over his head while the crowd applauds)
In the Heavyweight division… Striker!
(Chris Schramm walks out, picks up the Heavyweight Nut, and hoists it over his head enthusiastically as the crowd cheers on)
In the Superheavyweight division… Eurypterus Evolved!
(Alex MacWilliams trots out, picks up the Superheavyweight Nut, and lifts it over his head jubilantly while the crowd applauds)
(cut to montage of great moments from the season atop a bed of raucous, guitar-driven theme music, while credits roll)
(music, credits and montage end)
(fade to black)
