Tim Green: Defending Lightweight champion Underall is three minutes away from another championship title, but Red Zone is intent on stopping him. In the Middleweight division, AMP is also looking to defend its title, but there’s an underdog hammerbot that may have something to say about that.

Bil Dwyer: Jack Frost has unseated now-former champ Japanese School Girl, but Copperhead isn’t going to let that intimidate him out of trying to take the Superheavyweight nut; and last season’s Heavyweight runner-up, Babaganoush, has landed in the finals yet again, but is Striker going to give the flipping helmet a bad taste of déjà vu?

Tim: Stayed tuned, for the next thirty minutes will answer those questions, and may change your life forever. This…is Advanced Robot Combat.

video montage of this season’s events flashes across screen atop a guitar-driven theme song, end on Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution logo.

panoramic sweep across the Treasure Island skyline, cut to studio as Tim talks--

Tim: Located on the beautiful and bountiful Treasure Island, this is Advanced Robot Combat. Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, and with me, as always, is the energetic Bil Dwyer.

Bil: Energetic, indeed. Who needs Starbucks when you’ve got metal carnage? It’s just as stimulating but won’t turn your teeth brown. If you’re a builder still in this though, those teeth might be ground down a little bit from the stress.

Tim: And that stress is at a high point tonight. Four finals, and everyone from the builders to the guys who sweep the arena floor after each fight are on edge. Let’s get right down to the first one, shall we?

Bil: Let’s shall. And if there’s anyone who knows about stress, it is Team Gemini’s captain, Chris Schramm. He’s got three bots in the finals, so the stress is really upon him now. In this Lighweight final, it’s Red Zone he’s driving. This speedy bot boasts a solid plow and a curiously effective lifter. In the regular season, it lost only one fight.

But that loss was to defending champion Underall, our other finalist. Team Hunga’s captain, Dylan Pommer is the only other person with more than one bot in the finals. Underall hasn’t done as well in the regular season as Red Zone, but between these two, Underall is the favorite.

Tim: One gets the nut, one gets nothing. Mark Beiro has our introductions.

cross cut to sweep over arena, focus on Mark Beiro, standing in front of the Center Nail.

Mark Beiro: This fight will determine the Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Lightweight Championship! Introducing in the Red Square, to my right: when its color is on an alert, it means that there’s a crisis; when it is on a button, it means nuclear war. For what it’s actually on, though, it means you’re about to get your ass kicked! It’s ... RED ZONE!!!

audience cheers

Tim: Red Zone’s lifter may not look like much, but tell that to the ten other bots it has trounced this season.

Mark: And in the Blue Square: ogres cower, demons cry, and the minotaur gnashes its teeth when this bot bares his. Your defending Lightweight champion … UNDERALL!!!

more cheering

Bil: Unlike a lot of other bots, this one’s name was actually shortened, from Ze Underall Ex Deus.

Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fightin’ time!

Bil: This is it! The moment we’ve been waiting for!

Tim: Neither of these bots are waiting though. Red Zone and Underall coming out to meet each other head on!

Bil: Underall seems to be a little leery though. I think he’s expecting Red Zone to try some kind of fake out maneuver.

Tim: Red Zone not trying to deke Underall, it would seem. Red Zone lowering his spike lifter to try and get under Underall!

Bil: It’s not an easy thing to do either. You could say “Underall” is a good name for that bot. I say it’s a good bot for that name.

Tim: Red Zone trying to slide in, and it’s working! He’s under those teeth wedges of Underall! Look at the lift!

Bil: Now those wedges are on hinges, so Underall’s not off the ground yet, but this is still not a position he wants to be in.

Tim: Red Zone, now moving into Underall, and he manages to lift Underall a little bit!

Bil: And here’s a view from the SlamCam. We like to use it to show hits up close, but you can see here from inside Red Zone. He’s actually got the points of those spikes in contact with the hinges. He’s got Underall at the fulcrum of his wedge setup, and he can do what he wants.

Tim: And what Red Zone wants to do now is ram him into the Shooting Spike!

Bil: The Shooting Spike hasn’t been the arena hazard of choice this season. It’ll be interesting to see what Red Zone’s thinking here.

Tim: Red Zone thinking about denting the upper armor plates of Underall. The Shooting Spike going to work here. Underall is trying to turn on those rear wheels. Red Zone trying to keep slamming, and OH he loses him there!

Bil: That’s what happens when you get too ambitious. Red Zone wanted to line up a major slam, but Underall slides off.

Tim: Now Underall is moving fast and furiously, and he’s got Red Zone up on the wedges!

Bil: If you’re Underall getting that ride to the hazards, you’re going to have a moment to figure out what your first move will be once free. Then, you anticipate that moment. And he got under Red Zone before Red Zone could get that lifter lowered, so I’d say he was effective in anticipating that moment.

Tim: Underall anticipated pretty well it would seem, and Underall has Red Zone under the Piercer!

Bil: Now THIS has been one of the more preferred means of punishment, designed by our very own Pete Lambertson. Underall is just holding Red Zone captive, exacting revenge.

Tim: Red Zone pushing down on those wedges with the lifter trying to escape, as the Piercer hits. The Piercer, pushing down on Red Zone with each hit and Red Zone finally escapes!

Bil: That, my friend, is persistence. Red Zone kept getting hit, but he didn’t stop pushing down, and he finally flips himself.

Tim: Red Zone escapes but Underall does not waste time. Red Zone, trying to put some distance between the two, but Underall is in hot pursuit!

Bil: If you’re Red Zone, do you rely on hinged plow you’ve got on your rear to try and deflect those wedges on Underall? Underall is not giving Red Zone a chance to turn around and get that lifter facing him again.

Tim: Underall catches up with Red Zone, and he keeps pushing him, and into the Wall Wedge they both go! Red Zone getting flipped there, but more importantly, he ricochets off the wall a little bit and gets a couple feet between Underall and him.

Bil: Underall may have gotten a little lucky too, on that slam. He could have gotten himself hung up on something there, but he didn’t.

Tim: Red Zone, with the lifter facing forward once more. Trying to work it exactly as he did earlier. And he’s starting to lift again! But Underall backs off in time this time!

Bil: I think what happened last time is that Underall thought he could still push Red Zone around, but he’s not taking the chance that time, as he backs off before Red Zone can work under further.

Tim: Underall taking advantage of Red Zone’s lifter being elevated and he slides underneath again and slams him straight into the Center Nail!

Bil: And Red Zone is stuck. The rear plow catches perfectly on the Center Nail, and he can go nowhere.

Tim: Underall wants to do more though, and he takes him into the other Piercer now! And the hits come down!

Bil: Can Red Zone do it again? Can he escape using the lifter again…? YES!

Tim: Red Zone escapes again, and he moves in with the plow this time, and he starts pushing Underall, and he’s pushing him into the Floor Spinner!

Bil: And you can see the Floor Spinner, hitting the wedges on Underall, and they go bouncing up and down from these hits, up and down they go!

Tim: Ten seconds left. Can Underall escape and mount one final offensive attack?

Bil: I don’t think so, but he may not have to. Hard to tell though.

buzzer sounds

Tim: And this one is over and in the books! This fight could have kept going longer, if we let them, but such as it is. Bil, how about the replays?

Bil: Red Zone makes good use of that lifter early on, and he slams Underall into the Shooting Spike. Then Underall uses the Piercer, the Wall Wedge, the Center Nail, and the other Piercer. Red Zone has the last say though, with the Floor Spinner causing some more damage.

Tim: The judges have turned in their verdict. Let’s go arenaside.

cut to Center Arena with both teams and head referee as Mark Beiro announces

Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-five to twenty decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Lightweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: UNDERALL!!!

Tim: And you see a very happy Team Hunga there, celebrating, and shaking hands with Team Gemini. Bil, how did the judges score it?

Bil: Underall managed to take the Aggression category nine to six. The Damage category was a hair closer, Underall still managing to take that one, eight to seven. In Strategy, again Underall eight to seven, making a final score of twenty-five to twenty.

Tim: Traci Bingham is with the jubilant Team Hunga.

cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Dylan Pommer

Traci Bingham: Well congratulations on your win. Were you a little nervous when you were getting hit by the Shooting Spike?

Dylan Pommer: I was, somewhat. I kept hitting the controls trying to shake loose, and fortunately I did. It was then a matter of just, y’know, making every second mine.

Traci: Underall is a legend of a bot, and the legacy continues. Congratulations.

Dylan: Thanks Traci.

cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Chris Schramm

Jason Sklar: It was tough fight. What surprised you most about it?

Chris Schramm: Boy… I think it was that I was able to make the plow work. I didn’t think it would do much for me, and it didn’t do enough, but what it did surprised me a bit. I think it’s a good thing that it could do that much against a bot like that.

Randy Sklar: If you’d taken three more points, you’d have won. Something that close, what else could you have done?

Chris: I dunno. It’s hard to say. When it’s that close, it could go either way, and this was just how it went this time. Another day, it might have been mine.

Jason: And maybe it will be another season. Guys?

cut back to the studio

Bil: Thanks guys. A heartbreaker for Team Gemini, but they’ve still got two bots in the Finals, so redemption may yet come for them. They’ve got no time to sulk.

Tim: And Team Hunga doesn’t have time to celebrate either. They’re in the Middleweight Finals, as they look to dethrone defending champion AMP. You won’t wanna miss this, and it’s up next, on Advanced Robot Combat.

music takes us to commercial break

three minutes of commercials

music brings us back in

Bil: Advanced Robot Combat: the Revolution proves it’s not dead.

Tim: Welcome back everyone, we just saw an incredible Lightweight final, and that’s just one of four for the evening. Bil, how do the Middleweights shape up?

Bil: Between sixty and a hundred and twenty pounds. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be Middleweights. We just saw one of Team Hunga’s two finalists, and now we meet the other. Team Hunga’s other finalist is the hammerbot named My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World. Shortened to the nickname “Heartbreak And Hate” by the other builders, this bot is as much known for being a surprise showing in the tournament as it is for its incredibly long name. Team Hunga has a champion design in every weight class except Middleweight, and even they weren’t expecting to do this well, but now, they want to complete their dynasty tonight.

Defending champion, AMP, is looking for a repeat title though. The pride of Team AC/DC has done what it does best, spinning and tossing opponents about the arena. In their regular season bout, AMP got the short end of the stick, but team captain Paul Ogin II is confident that AMP will not disappoint again.

Tim: A hush falls over the arena as Mark Beiro introduces the finalists.

fade to Mark Beiro in front of the Center Nail, as he announces

Mark: This is an Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Championship Final, in the Middleweight Division! Introducing, in the Red Square, to my right: this bot should be given a more dignified and menacing introduction, but dammit, it’s only a half-hour program! Here is … MY HANDS ARE ABANDONED FACTORIES MANUFACTURING HEARTBREAK AND HATE FOR THE WORLD!!!

audience cheers loudly

Tim: No one, including Team Hunga, expected this bot to be in the finals, especially after it got knocked out during the regular season by the stompbot The Aristocrats.

Mark: And in the Blue Square: the power that flows through this bot will rock your socks and clean your clock! Get plugged in for … AMP!!!

continued applause

Bil: Team AC/DC didn’t bring along its famous tri-bar for this tournament. Will that make a difference here?

Tim: Time to find out, because the box is locked, the lights are on, it’s finals fightin’ time!

Bil: And you can see AMP getting that spinning bar up to speed as he moves out of the Blue Square there.

Tim: AMP trying to get out to Center Arena, but obviously wanting to stay away from the Center Nail. Heartbreak And Hate coming out after him like a maniac.

Bil: I don’t think it’s maniacal. You see the way he actually lingers around the Center Nail.

Tim: AMP, gliding methodically around the arena, trying to avoid the Nail, starting to move in, but Heartbreak And Hate backs off and slams into AMP!

Bil: Incredible! And you see the hit there! The sparks, the power, it’s so amazing!

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate, getting thrown by that hit, but so is AMP, and AMP seems to have hit the Nail on that hit. Now Heartbreak And Hate rushing to get to AMP again! And there’s the axe!

Bil: And we’ve known about the power of that axe. We saw what it did to FBSDS. And now here, a direct hit on the exposed motor on AMP. That’s not good for AMP. I think he’ll be ok here, but a couple more like that and it’s all over.

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate trying to place a few more hits, but AMP manages to swat him away with the bar.

Bil: That was a weak hit, though, for AMP. I think it’s just because he didn’t get the bar up to full-speed, but you never know. That axe-wound may have already done the job.

Tim: AMP separating for a moment while spinning that bar, and the bar is indeed at full speed again.

Bil: So we know it wasn’t a lethal blow, but it still scores points in the eyes of the judges. Maybe not Damage, but definitely Aggression.

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate moving in aggressively again, but AMP’s bar is at full speed, AND ANOTHER HIT!

Bil: I think AMP got a piece of the plow that time. And yup, there’s a chunk missing in Heartbreak And Hate’s plow there.

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate trying to get another good blow from the axe in, but AMP facing differently now, trying to protect that motor.

Bil: It’s a smart move too. AMP could possibly rely on those wedged skirts if need be, but it’s a chance you don’t want to take.

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate fires the axe, but misses.

Bil: And there’s the power of AMP. The spinning bar hits the axe and whips Heartbreak And Hate around a little bit.

Tim: AMP moves in now and another hit! This one right on the wheelguard of Heartbreak And Hate!

Bil: It looks like there’s a slight bend in the guard, but AMP wasn’t up to speed either. That was just AMP refusing to pass up the opportunity.

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate moving in now, slamming AMP! Both bots knocked away by the hit, but Heartbreak And Hate trying to move in again, quickly, and he hits AMP again! Not getting thrown so much this time, but he moves in again and starts pushing AMP!

Bil: I think what’s happened is that as this fight has progressed, Heartbreak And Hate now knows how far and how many degrees a full speed hit from AMP will toss him. He’s able to anticipate and recuperate quicker, and get in on the offensive again. And not a moment too soon either, because that plow is starting to look like a funhouse mirror, the way it’s getting warped.

Tim: We are under thirty seconds, and Heartbreak And Hate is trying to swing that axe into the motor again, but it is staying just out of reach, as AMP manages to hit him again. AMP, managing to get up to speed, as Heartbreak And Hate fires again, and what a hit!

Bil: Oh, and you almost knew this was coming too. The axe-handle on Heartbreak And Hate is bent! It’s useless now!

Tim: Heartbreak And Hate going with the rear wedge for one last final charge, and another solid hit from AMP!

Bil: That was a great hit there. And a good closing statement that AMP would want to make as the buzzer is about to—

buzzer sounds

Bil: Ok, as the buzzer sounds.

Tim: AMP getting a good hit in, but Heartbreak And Hate put on a good show, Bil. I’m not sure I could call this one without some replays.

Bil: I don’t think the replays will help either, but let’s try. AMP put several solid dings and dents on Heartbreak And Hate, but you see Heartbreak And Hate’s solid hit on the motor, and the shoving around the arena into the wall and the Nail. And here the axe-handle bends.

Tim: Too close to call. How did the judges see it?

cut to Center Arena with both teams and head referee as Mark Beiro announces

Mark: The three judges have turned in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Middleweight Champion…THE RED SQUARE: MY HANDS ARE ABANDONED FACTORIES MANUFACTURING HEARTBREAK AND HATE FOR THE WORLD!!!

Tim: And listen to this crowd’s reaction! Some cheers, some boos. Bil, let’s see the judges’ scorecards!

Bil: It’s like they tell three different stories almost. Heartbreak And Hate never let up on those charges, and gets the Aggression category by a twelve to three margin. And no one should be surprised that AMP would conquer the Damage category. In this case, by a score of eleven to four. Strategy was a nail-biter. AMP’s ability to keep Heartbreak And Hate at bay was just shy of Heartbreak And Hate’s ability to use those hits to maneuver AMP around the floor in a curling-like fashion. Heartbreak And Hate wins Strategy eight to seven, and the match by a final tally of twenty-four to twenty-one.

Tim: To the victors go the Sklars.

cut to backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Dylan Pommer

Jason: Your second title this season, and it was closer than the Lightweight one. What were you thinking as you stood there with the ref holding your wrist there, just before they announced you the winner?

Dylan: I was shaking. I wasn’t sure if I had won. I’ve fought a lot of spinners this season, and have come out victorious most of the time, but still, there’s that chance you’ll lose.

Randy: Well, you’re now the champ. And you now have a dynasty. How does that feel?

Dylan: Incredible. It’s validating and awesome.

Randy: Will this bot retire, or will it defend?

Dylan: It’s going to defend. And I’ll be doing some improvements on it during the off-season.

Jason: Will one of those improvements be a shortened name?

Dylan: Aw, heeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllll no!

cut to Traci Bingham with Paul Ogin II

Traci: Twenty-four to twenty-one. What made the difference?

Paul Ogin II: We probably could have been a little bit more aggressive. With a bot like AMP, the doom comes to those who charge, but this time, we probably could have attacked more often. But you know, a lot of times, it does come down to luck. This was a close match.

Traci: Now you went this entire season without the tri-bar. Do you think that could have made a difference?

Paul: It’s hard to say. Both weapons have advantages and disadvantages. And I hate to get into the “What-if” game in these types of scenarios. This was a good fight, the score reflected it, and I dare say we’ll be back to reclaim the throne next season.

cut back to the studio

Bil: He dare say it. That doesn’t sound like an empty threat. We’ll be watching for him next season.

Tim: The next season is still a way’s off, but the next final isn’t. When we come back, Babaganoush versus Striker, winner take all. Next, on Advanced Robot Combat.

music takes us to commercial break

three minutes of commercials

music brings us back in

Tim: For more information on the Advanced Robot Combat series, visit their website at www.drowningcity.com

Bil: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. Tim, how about that last fight?

Tim: Unbelievable. And I loved every second of it.

Bil: Then you’ll love our Heavyweight final, and interesting to note, these two bots fought each other in the very first round during the regular season. Their season began with each other, and now it’ll end at each other’s throats. Babganoush won when these two tangled on the first round of fights, but that was a very close decision, and one the fans had mixed reactions about.

Babaganoush is Team Animal Cruelty’s menacing flipper that ran runner-up last season, losing a split decision to Heart Attack 2. Team captain Philip Bergman decided it needed another shot at the nut, and what a showing it has had. Its only loss this season was to Adrenaline, whom Babaganoush beat in the semis, thus avenging itself.

But revenge was the story in the other semifinal, and now Striker would like to make that the story of the finals, as well. Team Gemini returns for the Heavyweight Final with its hinged wedge bully with the spinning treads. Striker lost twice during the regular season: once to Tank, whom it beat in the semis, and once to Babaganoush, whom it would love to beat now.

Tim: The solid and proven veteran versus the incredibly impressive rookie. Mark Beiro has the introductions.

sweep across the crowd and settle in on Mark Beiro at Center Arena

Mark: This fight will crown the Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Heavyweight Champion. Introducing, in the Red Square, to my right: you can only keep this good robot down for so long, until it flips you off and sends you across the arena! Here is … BABAGANOUSH!!!

wild audience applause

Bil: The longest intact Advanced Robot Combat winning streak: eight wins.

Mark: And in the Blue Square: this bot would promise you a quick and painless defeat, but really, what would be the fun in that? Meet your demise in … STRIKER!!!

more applause

Bil: Striker had some trouble bringing the treads to bear last time. How far has it come since the first round? Let’s see.

Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s Heavyweight Finals time!

Bil: The flipper against the treads.

Tim: Striker wasting no time as he rushes out of the square. Babaganoush coming out to meet him, it would appear.

Bil: That’s unusual for Babaganoush. He usually plays it a little craftier than this, but he’s going straight for Striker it would seem.

Tim: Striker moving closer, but Babaganoush trying to veer off here, but it doesn’t work! Striker under him right away!

Bil: It’s a bold plan, but if your opponent is twice your speed, trying to do a quick cut-and-run just isn’t all that likely.

Tim: Striker in control now, taking Babaganoush into the wall!

Bil: Slams are good, Tim, but if you’ll notice, Babaganoush is all the way up those wedges of Striker. The only thing that hit the wall was Striker himself. Babaganoush didn’t get hurt at all there.

Tim: Babaganoush still stuck though. Striker moving and he’s trying to fling Babaganoush into the Floor Spinner! But Babaganoush is staying on top!

Bil: It’s like a two-year old child who just won’t let go of your arm. Babaganoush is just on top of Striker like a leech.

circle with Bill Nye’s head appears in upper left hand corner of screen

Bill Nye: Babaganoush uses cow magnets to magnetize his skirts and keep them low. Those are powerful magnets, but if your opponent’s wedge is also made from a metal that can be magnetized, a low torque bot like Babaganoush may not have enough power to offset the magnetic attraction.

circle and Bill Nye’s head disappear

Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. That does explain the situation here.

Bil: And you see Babaganoush is partially on top of those wedges. He can’t escape, but the good news is that those spinning treads of Striker can’t quite reach Babaganoush either.

buzzer sounds

Tim: And this one is paused.

Bil: They’ve been stuck together too long. They have to separate. You can see the crew there, struggling to separate them, with that magnetic bond holding them. They have to use some crowbars!

Tim: And they’ve got them separated, but the crowbars are now sticking to Babaganoush!

Bil (laughing as he talks): I think next season, they’ll have to use some weaker magnets, or use electromagnets that can be controlled with an electric current.

Tim: They’ve got the crowbars free, and the crowd is cheering as this match gets back underway! Babaganoush wasting no time as he’s under the side and he flips Striker!

Bil: THIS is what Babaganoush has wanted: a shot at the side of Striker. And he makes good use of it.

Tim: Striker lands on his backside first, then slamming down. Babaganoush rushing in again, and another flip!

Bil: And look at the distance! He managed to throw Striker that time.

Tim: Striker landing again, but he’s dangerously close to the Piercer, and the Piercer hits him! Twice now! Three times!

Bil: Striker landed upside-down there. He’s fine, but it takes a second to throw your controls in inversion mode. It doesn’t take long, but it’s still a couple seconds that the Piercer can strike you.

Tim: Striker moving again, free of the Piercer, heading for Babaganoush, but oh no! One of the treads has broken and has fallen off Striker!

Bil: I don’t think it was just the Piercer that did that. Certainly helped contribute to the breakage, but those treads scrape awfully low. I think those spikes hit the floor a few times, and recoiled a bit against itself throughout this fight so far.

Tim: Striker deciding to make do without it though, and he’s got Babaganoush up on the wedges again!

Bil: And this has been what Striker has done best anyway throughout the season. The treads have been mainly for holding an opponent in place, to keep them from driving over and off the back of Striker. With Babaganoush’s magnets, he doesn’t need them.

Tim: Striker in control once more and he’s got Babaganoush into the Shooting Spike!

Bil: And this is the hazard he should have used all along. Striker rammed himself into the wall, and those wedges took more damage from the Floor Spinner than Babaganoush did, so he goes with a higher hazard this time, and the Shooting Spike is working just as Striker would like it to.

Tim: Under forty-five seconds now, and Striker is keeping Babaganoush put. The Shooting Spike continuing to hit Babaganoush. Babaganoush trying to move, but not having much luck.

Bil: The refs are watching the clock again. They don’t want to have to break out those crowbars a second time.

Tim: Striker backing away at full speed with Babaganoush still on him. Striker turning sharply, and they’re free!!

Bil: Now that’s how you do it. Never underestimate the power of whiplash!

Tim: Striker charging one last time, and he’s in reverse!

Bil: He probably just doesn’t want to get stuck again, so he’s slamming with his rear end, and his remaining tread.

Tim: And slam he does! That tread spinning into Babaganoush, and Babaganoush flips again!

buzzer sounds

Bil: And this final is in the books! What a bizarre match this was!

Tim: Team Gemini looking pretty happy. They think they’ve won this one.

Bil: The replays may say something different though. Striker controlled this fight mostly, but he did a little hazard damage to himself early on, then Babaganoush flips him about. A tread breaks, but he finally uses that Shooting Spike to get the desired effect.

Tim: The judges have weighed in, and let’s see what they say.

cut to Center Arena with both teams and head referee as Mark Beiro announces

Mark: The three judges have turned in a thirty to fifteen decision, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Heavyweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: STRIKER!!!

Bil: And you almost knew it was coming. Team Gemini happy to win this one, especially after losing the Lightweight Final in a squeaker.

Tim: Thirty to fifteen seems pretty decisive. Do the judges’ scorecards agree?

Bil: Pretty much. Babaganoush’s flips and Striker’s tread breaking did give Babaganoush the Damage category ten to five, but for Aggression and Strategy, Striker dominated the match by scores of thirteen to two, and twelve to three respectively.

Tim: Jason and Randy Sklar are with an exuberant Team Gemini

cut to backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Chris Schramm

Jason: The story of this fight was those wedges, wasn’t it?

Chris: Absolutely. That and the magnets that kept us inseparable half the time!

Randy: Now you kept hurting yourself at first, and you didn’t get away from the Floor Spinner right away there. Why was that?

Chris; I think I was just in a bad spot for the robot to receive the signal. Luckily we got it straightened out, and it ended up not hurting us.

Jason: Well congratulations to you, Mister Heavyweight Champion.

Chris: Thanks guys.

cut to Traci Bingham with Philip Bergman

Traci: Word around the pits is that your magnets were your downfall tonight.

Philip Bergman: Yeah, you could say that. I thought I could get under at least one of those wedges and avoid that situation, but I couldn’t. Time to look into electromagnets, and see if I can get them remote controlled for next season, if I need them.

Traci: This is your fourth Advanced Robot Combat tournament, and your fourth time coming in second place.

Philip: Yeah, this happened last season with this bot, and twice in the first season. It’s still a good finish, overall, but it’s also becoming something of a running gag. I think five will be the lucky number for at least one of Team Animal Cruelty’s bots next season.

Traci: Well, good luck to you next season. Guys?

cut back to the studio

Tim: Alright, thanks Traci. I kinda feel bad for Team Animal Cruelty, but hey, you have to pay the cost to be the boss, right?

Bil: B.B. King couldn’t have said it better. In fact, that was him who said it first. Or at least sang it first. But Team Animal Cruelty will be singing the blues tonight.

Tim: And so will one more team tonight. The Superheavyweight Final is next, when we come back, on Advanced Robot Combat.

music takes us to commercial break

three minutes of commercials

music brings us back in

Bil: It can take a lot of fingers to work the controls on a robot. Keep all of yours. Remember, when building a bot or anything, safety first.

Tim: Welcome back. As you just saw, a new Heavyweight champion was crowned. Only one bot in a division can be champion, but all is not lost for the other bots in that division.

Bil: That’s right, Tim. There are other kinds of awards a bot can win, and here to bestow those awards, as well as some other distinguished honors, is Bill Nye.

trippy music playing with Bill Nye’s likeness flashing about the screen, cut to Bill Nye

Bill: The Championship Nut is the prize every bot hopes to get, but there are other awards a bot can receive. Before we look at some of the awards, let’s acknowledge some other accomplishments of our robots and roboteers.

For a long time, the records of last season, Annihilation, were lost. Only now have they been partially retrieved, but over the course of this season four roboteers officially claimed their one-hundredth wins. Chris Schramm, leading Team Gemini actually crossed the triple digit mark in his run in sister league Fantasy Robot Rumble, the Combat Lagoon tournament, while driving Barrier to the Middleweight title, but he made it official on his eleventh win this season. Dylan Pommer, captain of Team Hunga, actually won golden number one hundred with his fifth win of the season, but made it official with win number twenty-one. Team Animal Cruelty’s captain, Philip Bergman, actually passed the century mark on his sixth win, but it wasn’t official until his twenty-fifth win this season. Lastly, leader of Team AC/DC, Paul Ogin II, would not have crossed over one hundred without the retrieved Annihilation records, but thanks to them, his twenty-second win of the season will be heretofore marked as his one-hundredth.

In the past, for any team to win more than ten fights in a season was pretty impressive, but for a single bot to win ten in one season was even more impressive, especially considering it never happened. Even with this season’s round-robin style of scheduling, it still proved to be a quite a feat for a bot to win ten fights. Three of those bots that did so are from Team Gemini, and all three made it to the finals in their division. The Lightweight Red Zone and the Superheavyweight Jack Frost both won ten during the regular season, and the Heavyweight rookie Striker won its tenth in the semi-finals. Also winning its tenth in the semis is Team Hunga’s Lightweight, Underall. Team Omegaforce’s Copperhead accomplished this feat during the regular season, too. Last season, Babaganoush almost accomplished this feat, falling just short with nine, and would have done so had it won the Nut. This season, however, it has also won ten fights in the regular season alone.

Now, onto the awards that can only go to one bot or roboteer. First is the Bozenda Award, given to the most aggressive driver and strategist. Anthony Politzi, commanding Team Hitmen, tore about the arena this season in his fights, as did Team Targeted captain Alex MacWilliams, but the most aggressive was John Garrison, captain of Team Omegaforce. With bots like Copperhead and Sovereign, Team Omegaforce pushed around opponents to an impressive thirty-four wins this season.

The Astrodude Award is given to the rookie of the season. Although there was only one rookie this season, this rookie did fairly well, including a Middleweight semi-finalist. Congratulations to Nick Schulz and all of Team “Yellow Alert”, recipient of this season’s Astrodude Award.

The Adrenaline Award is given to the bot with the most creative design. This doesn’t necessarily mean the design was effective in the arena, though many times it does. Team “Yellow Alert” put a new spin on spinbots with Influenza, with a narrow base and all motors encased in the spinning carousel. Team Concept Robotics’ Colonel Kickass also turned and tilted a few heads, as did Some Kind Of Monster from Team AC/DC, as well as Corrosive from Team Andrewbot. But the Adrenaline Award goes to Team Gemini’s Striker, a bot with a multiple hinged-wedge array plus spinning treads that did damage and held opponents captive. Such a new and nifty design, how could it not get the nod?

One of the less desired awards is the Toxic Hazard Award, given to a bot that was consistently beat up and received very few wins, if any. Team Gemini’s Sunshine was a deadly looking hammerbot that ended up getting smashed time and time again. Fellow Middleweight hammerbot The Aristocrats, from Team Animal Cruelty took several blows to the body and the ego. Exotherm, from Team “Yellow Alert” also couldn’t seem to avoid taking a pounding, either. But the Toxic Hazard Award belongs to the simply titled It, the Superheavyweight from Josh Noel and Team Blood Gulch, a bot that got repeatedly slammed by rammers, and pinned by spinners.

The Warper Award is given to a bot that not many expected to do well, but surpassed those expectations. One such bot was Team Animal Cruelty’s The Aristocrats, a stomper that was expected to go winless. Instead, it won five fights, and almost turned in a winning record during the season. Team Blood Gulch’s Zombie Killer’s wedge didn’t seem all that impressive, but it almost went to the semi-finals, only losing out at the last minute. But Team Hunga receives the Warper Award, with their Middleweight hammerbot, My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World. A surprise bot that emerged into the playoffs at the last minute and wound up the champion, it clearly merits the award.

Almost the exact opposite of the Warper Award is the Intergalactic Award, given to the bot that fell short of expectations due to external factors. Team Andrewbot’s Poly-Stone was the bot that had even the hardiest Heavyweights worried, but more often than not, team captain Andrew Rossol failed to arrive at the arena in time. Similarly, the Middleweight of Team Concept Robotics, Bling 2K, made an early showing with an impressive win, but team captain Jason Ice wound up dealing with serious electronic and electrical problems that caused him to miss most of the season. A true heartache was in the semis when Paul Gancitano couldn’t complete the repairs on Shockwave in time, thus forfeiting to AMP. The Intergalactic Award, however, goes to Team Hitmen’s Middleweight, Shovearound 2. This bot garnered some serious respect in the early observations, but a combination of tough calls and hard luck cut its hopes short. Perhaps next tournament, this bot will get the kudos it deserves.

The Double Dose Award rewards the prettiest and most aesthetically coordinated bot. Team Blood Gulch’s Zombie Killer and Team Targeted’s Tank both had paintjobs whose motifs well-behooved the name and image of the bot. Team Fire-And-Ice’s Gayle was a mesmerizing bot to watch in action, as were the blue streaks of Team Hitmen’s Shovearound 2 and Team Hunga’s Underall. But the unlikely combination of yellow and gray make the Double Dose Award go to Team Omegaforce’s JAKT.

The Cow Tipper Award rewards engineering in a robot. So many bots had such sound engineering behind them, that it was hard to pick a winner. Flippers like Team Animal Cruelty’s Babaganoush, lifters like Team Gemini’s Red Zone, and unique bots like Team Omegaforce’s Sovereign all got nods, but the final selection is Copperhead, the Superheavyweight finalist from Team Omegaforce. With an improved plow, and three shock-mounted hinged wedges, it’s hard not to be impressed with it.

Finally, there’s the Defiance Award, given to the team with the best record. And it’s fitting almost to the point of irony that it goes to Team Gemini this season. Tied for best record with thirty-four wins and ten losses in the regular season, this team wins it by having three finalists, one in the Lightweight division, one in the Heavyweight, and one in the Superheavyweight. This is quite interesting because the last time Team Gemini won this award was in the Defiance season of Advanced Robot Combat, when it won the championship in those three weight divisions! Congratulations to Team Gemini on winning the Defiance Award, and to all our award winners.

trippy music with Bill’s likeness flashing about, return to the studio

Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. Wow, a lot of accomplishments to acknowledge. Wouldn’t you agree Mr. Dwyer?

Bil: I would agree indeed. And there’s still one more accomplishment to determine. The Superheavyweights are getting ready to throw down for the Nut.

Copperhead is Team Omegaforce’s only finalist this season, as two of their other bots lost in the semis. Copperhead is a durable rammer that can slam you with either a solid plow, or three inescapable hinged wedges.

Jack Frost had to beat Japanese School Girl to get here, and it isn’t planning on settling for second banana. That heavy disc is its way of takin’ care of business.

Tim: Bil, how else do these bots compare?

Bil: Jack Frost has the power advantage with that disc of doom. Copperhead has the speed advantage. It’s one of the fastest bots we’ve ever seen here. Intangibles: Copperhead has the edge in this one. Both bots only lost once in the regular season, but Jack Frost’s loss was to Copperhead, while Copperhead’s defeat was dealt from non-semifinalist and mad flipper Cascade. Copperhead beat Jack Frost before, and might just do it again.

Tim: Mark Beiro is standing by to get this match underway.

fade out and across to Mark Beiro at Center Arena

Mark: This is the Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Superheavyweight Championship Final!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: it gives no warning when it strikes to render you dead. No medicine can save you from … COPPERHEAD!!!

thunderous applause

Tim: You see Copperhead there, leaving the fangs on for this fight. We’ll see how he uses them.

Mark: And in the Blue Square: it nips at your nose, then rips off the rest of your fricken face! Introducing … JACK FROST!!!

Bil: The deadly disc … we saw what it can do in the semis.

Tim: Care to say it with me?

Bil and Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fightin’ time!!

Bil: Thanks Tim.

Tim: My pleasure, Bil. Copperhead wasting no time charging the arena, but Jack Frost already has that deadly disc up to speed. Copperhead lining up a charge, he rushes at Jack Frost! And look at that hit!

Bil: What a beauty! Jack Frost hit Copperhead squarely on the nose of the plow! Jack Frost does indeed nip at the nose!

Tim: Copperhead back up and in Jack Frost’s disc, though, pushing. Copperhead pushing Jack Frost into the wall! Jack Frost’s disc about to get ground into the floor!

Bil: And Jack Frost isn’t powering down that disc. He runs the risk of that disc breaking!

Bill Nye’s head appears in a circle in upper left hand corner of screen

Bill: Jack Frost’s disc already looms extremely low to the ground, but according to tournament rules, no weapon may be more powerful than the strength of the arena floor or the lexan walls. This means that if that disc hits the floor while spinning, the energy will be redirected back into the disc, and might incapacitate it. It’s suicide, I tell you! Suicide!

circle and Bill Nye’s head disappear

Bil: Thanks Bill Nye. Always great information from him.

Tim: Copperhead pushing Jack Frost against the Wall Wedge, and now Copperhead is on top of the disc!

Bil: Unbelievable! I’m not quite sure what happened there. I think the disc got so low, the teeth managed to wedge underneath Copperhead’s plow, and propped him up!

Tim: Bad news for Copperhead as that disc is still spinning. Jack Frost, in his limited ability to turn right now, has managed to position Copperhead against the lexan to keep the disc out of the floor.

Bil: Well, he just eased the pressure off the disc, and now it’s free to grind at the wheels of Copperhead!

Tim: That indeed seems to be what’s happening…and there goes a wheel! And a second one!

Bil: The rules say if half the drivetrain is taken out, the whole bot is knocked out. Copperhead is solidly built, but he is in serious danger right now.

buzzer sounds

Tim: And the two have to separate. The officials have stopped the clock and the fighting.

Bil: Those two were stuck good. Jack Frost isn’t a bot built for torque, and Copperhead was hung up on Jack Frost, so it’s almost obvious that it’d come to this.

Tim: Arena crew have the two separated. The box is locked once more… the fighting has resumed.

Bil: And look at Copperhead! He just took off to avoid the disc again, and he is at the side of Jack Frost!

Tim: He is indeed pushing Jack Frost from the side and now he’s got him under the Piercer!

Bil: Oh, let it pierce! Let it pierce!

Tim: That Piercer is coming down on Jack Frost and hurting those top armor panels. Copperhead, just holding him there, trying to buy back every second that he spent under the disc.

Bil: I think he’d like the Piercer to take out a wheel on Jack Frost! Jack Frost doesn’t have as many wheels, so it takes less time to take out half the drivetrain.

Tim: Jack Frost is trying to escape, but just as Copperhead was before, Jack Frost is stuck good now.

Bil: The officials are watching the clock again, but the difference is Copperhead does have enough power to separate them of his own accord this time.

Tim: And it looks like he will do so. Copperhead backing up and releasing Jack Frost. Back to action as Copperhead is lining up another charge, and he’s coming full steam at Jack Frost! Jack Frost turning on those wheels, and a miss!! Copperhead misses Jack Frost!

Bil: Now that’s unusual! Copperhead is such a well-driven bot. I didn’t think we’d ever see this!

Tim: Copperhead hits the Wall Wedge, and Jack Frost moves in with the disc, and he gets a third wheel! He gets a third wheel!! The entire left side of Copperhead’s drivetrain is gone!

Bil: Copperhead is still trying to drive around the arena, too. He’s saying, “Hey, I can still play!” I don’t think the judges are gonna buy it though.

Tim: And you see Jack Frost doing a victory spin now, but Copperhead is backing into him again as if to say “Knock it off! I’m not dead yet!” OH! The disc hits plow again!! What a great shot!

Bil: But look at that! Jack Frost’s disc is uneven now. That last hit must have hurt it pretty badly.

Tim: It doesn’t matter now, though, as the referee is counting out Copperhead.

buzzer sounds

Tim: And we’re through! Jack Frost gets the knockout! Bil, how about the replays?

Bil: Jack Frost strikes Copperhead early as Copperhead charges. Here you see two of the wheels getting cut off. The Piercer almost turns this one around. And… there, the third wheel gone. And the last hit that wrecks Jack Frost’s disc.

Tim: Mark Beiro is standing by to make it official.

cut to both teams with referee at Center Arena as Mark Beiro announces

Mark: The time, two minutes thirty-three seconds. Your winner, by a knockout, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Superheavyweight Champion: THE BLUE SQUARE: JACK FROST!!!

Bil: And there you have it. No room to argue here. Jack Frost wins the Nut, fair and square.

Tim: Traci Bingham is with the Superheavyweight champion.

cut to Traci Bingham with Chris Schramm

Traci: Amazing, isn’t it? You lost to him during the regular season, and come back to knock him out this time!

Chris: It’s awesome! Oh man. Copperhead’s a great bot, and John’s a ruthless driver.

Traci: What do you think made the difference?

Chris: I think I just managed to keep a cool head. Though, not powering down the disc while getting pushed--that was just a moment of panic. I couldn’t do anything else, and it worked for me.

Traci: Well, congratulations to you on winning the Nut.

Chris: Thanks Traci.

cut to Randy and Jason Sklar with John Garrison

Jason: You managed to bust him up in the regular season. What went wrong this time?

John Garrison: I think it’s just a matter of getting overconfident. I kept pushing expecting him to break, and instead I did.

Randy: Well, if the slip of a lip can sink a ship, a slip in the arena can take down a bot.

John: Yeah, but I’ll be back next season. Watch out Jack Frost. I’ll get you next time!

cut back to studio

Bil: Next time, he says. And I always look forward to next time. The next season is something to look forward to.

Tim: Don’t go anywhere. When we come back, we’ll put a recap on the season and hand out the Giant Nuts. Come back for the icing on this cake, on Advanced Robot Combat.

music takes us to commercial break

three minutes of commercials

music brings us back in

Bil: The collision between Rooster Teeth and The Aristocrats … so deadly it knocked BOTH bots out. THAT’S our Hit Of The Tournament.

Tim: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. What a great night of Finals it has been. Bil, give us a reminder of who our champs are.

Bil: Defending champion Underall managed to hang onto his Lightweight crown with a twenty-five to twenty win over Red Zone. Defending Middleweight champion AMP fell at the hands of My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision. Last season’s Heavyweight runner-up Babaganoush remains runner-up as Striker wins the title by a score of thirty to fifteen. In the Superheavyweight division, Jack Frost knocked out Copperhead to claim the title for his own.

Tim: It’s been a great season of Advanced Robot Combat, and I want to thank all of you for watching. On behalf of Traci Bingham, Mark Beiro, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Pete Lambertson, Bill Nye, and all the builders and staff here at Advanced Robot Combat, I’m Tim Green.

Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer, thanking you once more for a great season. We leave you now with the presentation of the Giant Nuts.

cut to Center Arena, as Mark Beiro announces

Mark: Presenting the champions of Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution!!

crowd cheers thunderously

Mark: Your Lightweight champion, Underall!

Dylan Pommer comes out to mid-arena and raises the Lightweight nut over his head

Mark: Your Middleweight champion, My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World!

Dylan picks up the Middleweight nut from the display table, raises it over his head as well, then walks back to the side

Mark: Your Heavyweight champion, Striker!

Chris Schramm walks out to Center arena, picks up Heavyweight Nut, hosting it over his head

Mark: Your Superheavyweight champion, Jack Frost!

Chris picks up the Superheavyweight Nut, raises it over his head. Dylan comes out to Center Arena and high-fives Chris

raucous music plays over slideshow of great hits from throughout the season.

music ends

fade to black